Wow. What a Week. Willie High Still Going!

Heh. I said "Willie high." Heh.

Well, so yeah, I thought Monday and Tues would be excruciatingly difficult and depressing b/c you-know-who was back in town for those 2 days but honestly, I was so busy working and yes, riding on my total Willie high, and having an amazingly wonderful evening in Luling TX on Tues. night w/Tito J. that I barely even thought about him. I spent Mon nite w/one of my SLAA girlfriends who lives real close to me too, and that was great. We went to a cozy, adorable little coffee shop right in our 'hood and I had bought some Groupons awhile back so we drank tea and got some pastries on the total cheap. She is also a singer/songwriter and we made plans to go do the Mucky Duck open mic in a couple weeks. I will perform w/J. Fu and I am so excited! J. Fu and I are getting together this weekend to begin rehearsing for our duo project. I have 7 solid songs down that I'm singing, and need to finish working up about 3 more.

So Monday went by well and fast. Tuesday the same, I got off work early, went home to change clothes and spend a little bit of time w/Scotty Star, then I hit the road to Luling. It was a nice, peaceful 2-hr drive and I got caught up on some podcasts which was awesome, since I get backed up on them as I mostly listen to just music when I'm running around here. Met Tito J. at a local hole in the wall and we had the chicken fried steak and may I just say, that was some serious comfort food and hit the very spot it needed to hit!!!!!! I ate the whole thing and for me, lately, that is really unusual! Then we went across to a fun, happy little coffee shop/cafe, had tea and just sat there and joked around and shot the shit for awhile. In fact--Tito J. and I have made plans to make "Luling Dinner Visit" a regular occurrence from now on! Monthly would be great! We want to try the food at the adorable coffee shop and of course, we MUST try Luling's famous BBQ one of these days. I was so full from dinner I couldn't even do dessert anywhere! I had another nice, easy drive home (thanking God for getting me there and back safely) and got home around 11:30pm, at which time I was ready to get in bed w/Scotty Star and fall fast asleep, which I did.

Now, Wednesday (yesterday) was a strange day. I had so much fun at work: an awesome catered lunch meeting at the Hilton that was sooooo yummy and we also had champagne! Then we had a beer/wine/snack break at Job #1 that was also so much fun. But I began to suffer withdrawal pains (and yes, b/c I have an addiction I am definitely going through withdrawal [staying away from men/trying to get over my need for attention from men], on top of breakup pains that are still very fresh) and had to call a few of my SLAA women friends. They really helped, so much. I cried in the morning and at night, though. Maybe I was starting to crash from the "Willie high", not kidding. I stayed home last night and that was hard, esp. since Enor went back to the Big Easy jam after we'd both been staying away for the past few weeks, and I was tempted to go too but I knew I had to do lots of self-care tasks (we in recovery are very big on self-care and in SLAA I've learned about H.A.L.T., to not let myself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired) as well as SLAA reading and continuing to work on my Step 1 worksheet, which is a bear. I also had to practice my songs some more in prep for rehearsal w/J. Fu this weekend. I had plenty to do, but I am trying to change my energy (in my case, SLOW DOWN) as part of my recovery process. And that's one reason I adopted Scotty Star, so I'd need to stay home more!!!

But the other thing I was danger of doing last night was going out and getting a hookup. I was feeling like, "Wow, I feel so good and happy lately, why not feel even better and go out and get some male attention/affection and get laid???" So I called the SLAA women and spoke to my sponsor and they made me realize what was behind those crazy thoughts I was having. As my sponsor put it, "You've been so happy lately and none of your happiness has had anything to do with a man. So why ruin it?" Man--what a hell of a point she made there. Another SLAA woman said that since I'm going through withdrawal--and it is PAINFUL--if I slip then I'll have to start all over again. Ohhhhh... fuck that. I never want to go through this misery again. It's hard, dudes, it's hard. SLAA has a pamphlet on withdrawal and it lists 17 symptoms you may experience. I have 12 of the symptoms on the list.

Tonite I wanna go out though. Blooze jam and my ex, M., is hosting. My friend Bon hopefully will go too. I'm also going out tomorrow night, as the Gourds are having a free concert w/Doyle Bramhill. That'll be killer! And then the weekend starts and yes, I am pretty much booked solid. Again. Sigh. Not sure how this happens, but oh well. Anyway, 2 of those bookings are SLAA meetings so that's great for me.

(I also found out some good news though, at the CD release party on Tues. night I only missed 1 legend, Bob Margolin. The others were not scheduled to come in, so God's bone that He threw me was even better!!!)