I Was the Only One Not Killed

Out of a class of 16 people this weekend, I was the only one who didn't get killed by (or killed) the crazy, suicidal person in the practical scenario. I shouldn't use the word "crazy", the old me would've but this class really opened my eyes to the world of the mentally ill. And it was only a 24-hour-long class in CIT (Crisis Intervention Training)!

Man, was this weekend rough. I didn't get much sleep and I actually burst into tears at the class yesterday b/c when I don't get enough sleep I get weepy! Plus we had been watching I am Sam which I'd never seen before and it was such a sad movie! Also the mentally ill suicidal person in the scenario made me feel sad. Still, I didn't get killed and he didn't die and that's the important thing.

This weekend we learned all about the mentally ill, everything from the psychotic episodes to OCD to the Mentally Retarded to Alzheimer's. We watched a bunch of videos, such as episodes of Frontline, 20/20, 60 Minutes, Dr. Phil, and even some of Bumfights, which is absolutely horrible. We watched a documentary made by a woman about her schizophrenic mother, which had me actually tearing up at times! [I'm telling you, becoming a wife and mother has softened me up!] We discussed the 4 types of mental illness: Mood disorders, Personality disorders, Development disorders, and Psychosis, and everything under those umbrellas. At break I asked Mudflap and C. if they weren't starting to feel a little sympathetic towards these "nutjobs", gesturing towards the inmates (the class was held at the jail downtown).

Sat. night I just had to take a break and go see the new Werner Herzog movie, Rescue Dawn with S. I went b/c of Herzog, and S went b/c Christian Bale is his favorite actor. But that's the reason I didn't get much sleep on Sat. night! But this was the only time we had to go see the movie since it was our 1 weekend without the baby, who is back now and will be with us again next weekend.

So for the practical scenario at the end of class on Sunday, we had to use the tips and techniques we'd been learning all weekend for dealing with the mentally ill, as a police officer. Everyone went into the room 1 at a time and they just took us in alphabetical order. After you did the scenario, you were allowed to stay in the room and observe everyone after you. The rest of us stayed in the other classroom while we waited and watched I Am Sam, which stars Sean Penn playing a person with MR (Mental Retardation) who is fighting for custody of his daughter (no surprise it made me cry!) So I came at about the middle of the class b/c of my married last name. Had I still had my maiden name, I would've been first! They later told me they wish I had gone last so everyone could see how I handled the situation. Anyway, so as I went into the classroom to do the scenario, I was told that I'd been called to a warehouse where the workers were saying there was a disturbed person in the back who was pouring gasoline on himself. I was the first responder and I was the only one there to deal with him while I was waiting for backup to get there.

As I turned the corner into the classroom, I saw a guy (really one of the Sgt.'s) sitting in the corner, dressed like a bum, surrounded by newspapers and trash on the ground, holding up a newspaper, his hands shaking. It scared me, so I kept a good distance away but I introduced myself and asked his name (they'd told us the importance of getting the person's name and using it often). He told me and I asked him what the problem was but he began talking to someone next to him who was not there. So I asked him to please talk to me (I used the word "please" a lot) but did ask him who he was talking to, to which he answered "Momma." I said I didn't see his momma (another tip we'd learned, to not play into their delusions) but asked what momma was saying to him (they said it's ok to ask what the voices are saying since if the voices, which are almost always negative, are saying to get our gun and kill us then we might want to know that). He started pouring "gasoline" on himself (a Sprite bottle) and pulled out a lighter!!! [BTW, I take my scenarios very seriously--they stress me out a hell of a lot and to me, they are real b/c any of this shit could really go down someday out in the real world.] I asked him to please put the lighter down and not do that, and used his name over and over and said please a lot. I asked him by name to please toss me the lighter and he did. Then he pulled out another lighter! He said that his momma was telling him to kill himself and I asked did he want to do that, to which he said no. I said I didn't want him to either so please toss me that lighter, which he did. Then he pulled out another one! I said he was scaring me and making me nervous and asked did he ever feel that way, to which he said yes, and to please toss me that lighter too, which he did. Then he put down the newspaper and there were these 2 balloons in his lap! I asked him to tell me what was wrong and he held up the balloons. I asked what they were and he said "Timmy." I could see there were faces drawn on the balloons. I asked if there was anything wrong with Timmy and he pointed to the face, which had tears running down its cheeks and an unhappy mouth. I said, "Awww, Timmy's sad?" and I think I even cocked my head to the side, not being condescending, but genuinely concerned! After all, that's what I would do with a child. He nodded and I asked why, to which he said Timmy didn't want him to kill himself either. The other balloon was also named Timmy and he was sad too. I reminded him that I didn't want him to kill himself either so his momma was outvoted 4 to 1 and I held up my fingers to show the math.

He asked if I would get him a hamburger and I said yes, that I would. He asked if my husband knew I was out on patrol, a question which I ignored. I eventually convinced him that it would be better to come outside with me since it was a nice, sunny day outside and it wasn't very nice hanging out in this dark warehouse that kind of smelled bad, right? (Here I used a tip I learned in Mary Kay, to smile and nod b/c they taught us that it's very hard to say no to someone who's smiling and noddding!) He agreed, and I tried to get him to stand up. He asked if I could help him but I was still scared so I stayed my distance and asked if he was hurt anywhere, to which he said no (I think I went over almost every body part b/c I was also stalling, waiting for backup to arrive). I made him stand up slowly b/c I said "I want to make sure you're ok and not hurt anywhere." So he did, and I saw he had a fork stuck in his belt. I asked him to please drop the fork b/c he didn't need the fork to eat the hamburger, so he did. He also dropped the balloons and I said that it was ok to leave "the 2 Timmy's" here. I asked if he had any other weapons, to which he said yes, a little teeny tiny penknife and held up his fingers to indicate a tiny knife. I asked him to please take it out of his pocket and he did, and opened it up but it was a big pocketknife, about a 4-5-inch blade! It was then that I "pulled" my "gun" and held it to my side, but away from him so he couldn't see it. I asked him to please drop it, and he did. I asked him if he had anything else, anything sharp, any needles, but he said no. I said the car was on its way to take him to get some help and the hamburger, and asked if he wanted cheese on that burger, was he a mustard/mayonnaise man, pickles, fries on the side?

Then the Sgt. came out of character and looked at the class and started clapping. Everyone else started clapping too, and it was then that I started crying! I said it was only b/c the movie was so sad, but the truth is the scenario also made me sad, plus I was emotional and sleep-deprived on top of that. Apparently, like I said, I was the only one who hadn't gotten killed, plus I used all the right tips and techniques and found almost every clue there (the sad balloons, the fork in the pants) that a lot of other people missed. Now I did do a couple of things wrong, such as not notice a gun on the floor near him, but it didn't matter b/c I made him my friend and he didn't want to kill himself and didn't want to hurt me by the time I was done with him. (They'd told us the importance of taking your time and establishing a rapport.)

So then I got to stay and watch the last 1/2 of the class come in and do the scenario. Everyone else got killed too. Either they got way too close too fast to the suicidal guy and he grabbed the gun and shot them, or they got too close and he knifed them, or they got too close and they all caught on fire. Some people offended him by calling the 2 Timmy's "balloons" and pissed him off, or didn't get his name at all, or tried to just order him around. (I was also the only one who noticed the sad balloon faces, again maybe b/c I'm a mom.) As tired as I was, I definitely tried to learn as much as I could and get as much as I could from this class. Was everyone else sleeping through the videos? Were they not able to overcome their "copness"? I don't know. Mudflap died b/c he saw the gun immediately and tried to grab it to get it away, so he got too close and got killed. C. ended up killing the poor guy b/c he grabbed something out of his pocket too fast.

They said that there is a 40-hour class that we can take at the Academy and get a little pin for our uniform that says "CIT Officer". So now I want to take the class and get the pin! Who knows, maybe I have talents in dealing with the mentally ill. I definitely feel a lot more enlightened about them and am anxious to see how I can help them from now on.

Baby's Dental Visit

...and she lost her loose bottom tooth yesterday! She apparently pulled it out herself while at J.'s house. She didn't want me to get it with my hammer. And this a.m. the tooth fairy left $4 under her pillow (I only had $1's in my wallet).

Today's dental visit went well. We gave her a prescription sedative but I can't tell if it worked or not. The only indication was I was listening to my Jupiter Coyote CD in the car and she was dancing and shaking her head like so many hippie chicks dancing to jam bands. She was pretty well-behaved for the dentist and I was so relieved b/c I am just about at my wit's end this week with her. Seriously, I almost hate to admit it, but I've had just about enough of her, precious as she is. Yesterday she said "God is dead" and I about threw a fit and got S on the horn so he could talk to her about talking bullshit like that! Then today I had to tell her like 5 times to eat her hamburger and she just always acts so bad when we're eating, ignoring her food and trying to play and fart around. I CAN'T STAND IT! I'm about ready to stick her little ass in the dining room and make it stay there until she finishes her damn food (but probably S would never let me do that). And I just get so sick of constantly reprimanding her and putting her in her place, even though that is my job as her parent. I got S on the horn again and made him talk to her b/c she was fooling around instead of eating and broke some kind of cell phone charger of S's.

The other day I told S that the baby does need to brought down a peg or 2, b/c of her attitude, and he did agree but he doesn't like the way I do it, by shaming her and making her feel bad for her shortcomings. For example, I was telling her the other day that hamburgers are made out of cows and bacon is made out of pigs and she refused to believe me!!! So I told her to go ask S, which she did and he told her I was right. I was a little pissed and told the baby that she needs to listen to me b/c I've been to school and she hasn't yet so she hasn't learned much, has she? S didn't like what he called my "negative reinforcement" so I asked him what would he do, and he just said he wouldn't do it like that. But you know, she DOES need to be ashamed of the way she acts sometimes! She NEVER needs to be acting like a little butt around us, as much as we do for her and have sacrificed for her! However, I'm willing to admit that re: the cow/pig conversation, once again, in my mind the baby was acting like the whore who is the classic sociopathic personality, pathological liar and completely uneducated and ignorant of truth and fact, so it just rubbed me the total wrong way! And I'm once again stuck having to try to teach the baby to not have an ignorant mindset and listen to us 100%.

Some good things happened today though. The dentist only charged us $435 and set up a very reasonable payment plan for us. S's so-called "mother"'s check to us appears to have arrived in the mail. And S is going to pick up the baby tonight from J.'s house so I can have a break. We have to surrender her to the whore tomorrow for the weekend and I'm sure I'll miss her (that is, if I even have time to thanks to that 24-hour sheriff's dept. class I have to take on Sat/Sun), but at this point I just need some time off to reflect on how to raise the best possible human being I can raise against all the obstacles we are all facing.

The Ocean Called...

They're running out of shrimp! I keep using this joke and variations thereof when S eats too much ice cream ("The ice cream store called") or Mudflap eats too many chicken wings ("The farmer called"). The other night Mudflap retorted, "The Seinfeld people called, they want you to quit using their joke!"

I forgot to post about the incredible food we ate the other night at J. Fi's shower. It was at her snooty friends' big, gorgeous house and it was catered. They even had a bartender there and a margarita machine! But since I'm no longer drinking AT ALL I could only gaze upon it with fond memories. I did take 1 tiny sip of S's extremely strong rum and coke. Anyway, the food was major! Shrimp tamales, shrimp cocktail (the ocean definitely called us that night!), sausage jambalaya, chip/salsa, garlic bread, and lemon mousse for dessert! The baby only wanted to eat bread and raspberries--she's so weird sometimes. It was a nice party but we only stayed a couple of hours and left even before J. Fi opened her gifts. I have a very low tolerance for boring, humorless, image-obsessed yuppies.

This a.m. the baby and I went to see Happy the Clown in action. He put on a great show! I forgot how funny he is. The nice lady at the library gave me extra prizes for the baby for the summer reading club. They will come in handy, that's for sure, now that we are way broke. Extra free hamburger from Whataburger, extra pass to the downtown Aquarium. Nice!!! Always gotta remember to count my blessings.

Good run, good sweat

Thanks to R., who is a marathoner stud, I ran 3 whole laps last night at the park when I haven't run at all in, like, 6 weeks. She kept me, S, and Tito J. honest in our running! While S and I took turns running laps we played with the baby at the playground area, and the baby also had a good time. Today my legs are killing me. Good!

Tomorrow I am taking the morning off from work so I can take the baby to see Happy the Clown at our local library, plus she needs to get her remaining prizes from the Summer Reading Club. We were going to take her to the circus last week--and S even nobally agreed, taking one for the team since he is scared of clowns--but when S's car troubles surfaced we realized we couldn't spare the $. We had to take his car in again yesterday, and today we're $365 poorer. Plus I just found out the car needs to be taken back anyway since apparently the problem is not fixed. Thank God for the Emergency Fund. Of course, we're still screwed when it comes to the baby's $600+ dental bill we'll have on Thursday... and the $2500 lawyer's bill I gotta pay on Friday... Oh wait, this bitching needs to go over on the personal finance blog.

One possible good thing did happen today. When I picked S up from work at lunchtime to go get his car he was on the phone with his so-called mother. After much cajoling and pleading his case, she finally, after much-guilt tripping agreed to send us $250. I'll believe it when I see the check.

Speaking of so-called "parents", I decided to do an Internet search on my father today. Don't know why, except I was stalling having to finish a difficult lit. search at work and I was just trying to distract myself. I found a very interesting and strange script that appears to be written by a former co-worker of his. In the script he portrays my father in a variety of seemingly-semi-biographical scenarious, and the dialogue rings true to my father's nature, too. Take the following excerpt for example:

"Carlos is a Mayan (tejano) he has a large face resembling Jerry Colona. Carlos is sitting back telling stories.

CARLOS I remember my first job in Television. I was working at KLGL or Grand Klegel as it was known in the promos. It was a division of KL media klamedia ... It was owned by a former air force colonel. Colonel Bob. He had a very paternal attitude about his employees and the place ran kind of like a big family or in my case a big plantation family.

CARLOS (CONT'D) One day I was mopping the studio floor. It was the week of Christmas and we had a christmas party in one of the studios. Colonel Bob had just handed out Christmas bonuses. The station had had a good year and ad revenues were way up. The male news anchor got $10,000, The female news anchor got $5,000 And us Mexicans got bags of groceries and christmas cards.

CARLOS (CONT'D) I was counting on that bonus to buy some presents for my wife and kids. So there I am stewing and steaming and mopping the floor. So in comes Colonel Bob, slightly drunk, and he comes up to me and says

CUT TO RE-ENACTMENT
COLONEL BOB “Son, What's your name?” CARLOS Carlos sir.
COLONEL BOB Don’t it feel good to have a job son?

CARLOS (narrating voice over) I thought about it for a moment.

We see memory thought cloud bubbles appear over his left and then ......right shoulder
CARLOS (CONT'D) I needed the job, It was in the field I was trained for, I needed the paycheck, I had a wife and two kids.
CARLOS (CONT'D) But something in me compelled to answer him honestly. He had asked me how it felt to have a job. And my answer honestly told him how I felt about his job..
CARLOS (CONT'D) FUCK YOU!!! Then I walked out with my bag of groceries and christmas card."

This sure sounds like something he would do. The script goes on to portray my father in some other semi-biographical situations, such as him being drunk, homeless, in jail, etc. Since I feel like I don't REALLY know my father all that well, and even less so ever since I became a cop/wife/mother and S has no use for him either (S has about as much tolerance for my father as I do for S's mother--zero to none), it's interesting to read this and gain a little insight into my father from another person's point of view.

I just remembered why I did the Internet search on him. He called me today and asked me for my home address. I gave it to him, asked no questions, and hung up.

I was marvelling recently on how much of my father I see in myself sometimes when I am parenting, or attemping to parent. My dad always had a mean streak and even when he made us cry would laugh at us. I've been doing some things to the baby that are nowhere near this cruel, but still in my father's vein of parenting humor. For example, when I took her to the dentist and we were left alone for awhile, I found an empty syringe (no needle) and began to tease the baby, pretending I was giving her a shot. (But then I let her tease me back with it.) Or recently, I've been threatening to knock out her loose bottom tooth with a hammer, or pluck it out with tweezers, or cut it out with scissors, and I've been chasing her around the house with these various instruments. My mannerisms and body language when I tease her are frighteningly just like my father's! Also, he LOVED to sneak up and scare the shit out of us, and I did that once to her too when she was standing in the dark kitchen (but she thought it was funny). He also used to tickle us until we couldn't breathe and pissed our pants, but again, I would never go that far.

The baby got in BIG trouble yesterday. I raised my voice big time and even threatened to spank her, which I never do!!!!!! I had turned the car on so it would cool off before we left J.'s house, and while I was talking to J. the baby did something I've never seen her do. She got into the front seat, climbed over to the driver's seat, and honked the horn. Man, I turned into Scary Police Mom and told her to GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW and counted to 3. I don't think I've ever seen the baby so scared! I scolded her up, down, left and right and even made her look at me in the face while I gave her the business. I locked her in her carseat and shut the door while I calmed down, talking to J. Then I felt bad, but I explained to the baby how incredibly dangerous that was, and tried not to think about what could've happened if she had knocked the car in gear. Oh my God! I told S about it and when he saw her he gave her the business too (but much calmer and nicer than I was).

I always wonder about these stupid accidents where kids do stupid things and what kind of idiot parents are involved, but man... there but for the Grace of God goes I. And anyone! Of course, the hope is that the baby learned her lesson even while recovering from my extreme seriousness. I think she did. We had a great time playing at the park, and I came very close to getting her a dog. There was the cutest brown puppy with the cutest fuzziest face there and he was wearing a gold collar! This family was trying to get rid of him b/c he was a stray that followed them home that they could not keep. I tried to get R. or Tito J. to take him, but they wouldn't. I then asked S if we could consider it! But he snapped me back to reality with warnings of hair, pee, and other gross things. But I really liked that cute dog!!! I'm a sucker for cute fuzzy faces. After all, I married S, heh heh!

Today's post needs to end on a laugh so I'll end it with an actual funny joke that P. in VA told me. If you don't get it, I'm sorry, I can't help you!

Q: What's the difference between a blues musician and a jazz musician?

A: A blues musician plays 3 chords for thousands of people; a jazz musician plays thousands of chords for 3 people!

Man, that's funny stuff!!!

Dirty Sanchez

Since this blog is already rated NC-17, there's nothing I can do to clean it up at this point! I was on the horn last night trying to research what is a Dirty Sanchez b/c for the life of me I couldn't remember. S couldn't remember. L. claimed she didn't know ("She knows! She's a sick fuck!" said S) and Mudflap couldn't remember either. But I got the answer today finally, so my rabid curiosity has been satiated. For the record, it's disgusting. So digusting that even though I still have the work laptop at home I was loathe to get on and google it!

The reason I still have the work laptop at home is b/c I had it with me to teach in Galveston on Thursday, and in getting the baby out the door on Friday morning I just forgot to grab it. My 2-hour class in Galveston went ok, in spite of the wireless card not working for the 1st 30 minutes, which was painful and embarrassing. I had S with me, and it was nice to spend a drive down there with him although we only had time to grab pizza buffet for lunch when what I really wanted to do with my new company credit card was de-virginize it at a nice seafood restaurant or someplace like that. I had rescued S from the car mechanic's and told him he might as well come with me to Galveston, so he did. I felt like we hadn't had any quality "alone" time together in forever, so it was nice. (He didn't sit in on my class though!) At the end of my class, which found me sitting in the audience since the wireless card worked fine in that part of the room, 2 of the 7 class participants came up to me and told me that I was a great presenter, very much at ease and had a nice voice and didn't get rattled. I said when you're on the road as much as I am, nothing surprises me anymore and there's no point in getting upset at glitches! On the way back to Houston S and I got Dairy Queen blizzards, mmmmm...

I just saw S, the baby, and Uncle Mano a little while ago. They came down to the mall next door in order to meet Booker T., or as I call him, Booger T. The baby took a picture with him, which is adorable! I met them for lunch and they came back here to Job #2 with me for a little while. Tonight we'll go to J. Fi's party and I told the baby she could wear one of her princess dresses. Tomorrow is church and I'll probably go in uniform so we can eat afterwards and then Mudflap and I will hit the streets immediately for patrol! The Mexican Flea Market assignment is still upon us so that should be righteous fun. Then after patrol we'll meet S, the baby and Uncle Mano for a WWE PPV, where we will see Booger T. fight in full glory!

The Sea is My Mistress!

That was the excuse my li'l bro suggested to me in case they offered me the high-paying p/t job I interviewed for the other day. I needed a graceful, polite let-'em-down since I decided it wouldn't work for me, no matter how much $ they pay! To quote Looking Glass's song "Brandi", I was going to tell them I couldn't take the job because "My life, my love, my lady is the sea!" Anyway, it turned out it didn't matter, since I didn't get the job. I was surprised, since I'm used to getting the jobs I go after! But like I said, I had already decided I didn't want it anyway, so no biggie.

Tonight is a party at the church. It was gonna be an outdoor sprinkler party but with all this crappy rain we've been having this month now it's gonna be an indoor bouncey party with hot dogs. Tomorrow night is J. Fi's "Around the Clock" shower. So many social engagements, so little time.

I Should Not Be Surprised

I cuss too much, generally. I don't cuss, however, around the child! I don't want her picking up those words until she goes to public school. :-{

Vacation Bible School

...seems to be going well for the baby. Their theme is "Under the Sea" or something like that, so she is in the "Starfish" group, or Pre-K. They color fishes, make paper-plate jellyfish, and learn all the Jesus songs. I got to see their little concert yesterday! Of course, now I've got "Down in My Heart" stuck in my head for the past 2 days. Today J. is picking her up b/c I'm stuck here at work and hopefully will have the chance to find another song that can get stuck in my head.

I had the job interview yesterday at the high-paying p/t job. I interviewed with 3 people, one of whom is someone I used to work with here at Job #1, and incidentally, helped her with a school project when she was finishing her master's degree! So, uh, I think she owes me. Anyway, I'm not sure anymore I will take the job if they offer it to me, and I discussed it with S last night. The thing is, I don't know if I'll like being away from home every Tues. and Thurs. night. That really takes a chunk out of my week and will interfere with errands, such as groceries and stuff, and possibly fun things going on too! Plus, my Job #2 right now is sooooooo easy! And even though I have to be at Job #2 on Saturdays at 8am, we don't open until 10am so essentially I'm already getting paid 2 hours for not doing anything anyway. (Plus, since I'm in charge I usually don't get there until 8:20-ish and I look the other way when other folks are late too.) And this other p/t job, while it does pay big bucks, is pretty far away which I realized when I made the drive down there yesterday. I just don't like the idea of doing all this extra driving, no matter how much it pays. When you compare the money anyway, I'm comparing current Job #2's about $7,200/yr to $12,000/yr. It's "only" an extra $5K/year, but at what expense? Now that S has a job where he has weekends off, taking care of the baby is no longer an issue for us, so I don't mind being gone all day every other Sat. from them. Bottom line, if I don't get offered this job I'll be just fine. However, if I do get offered it, how do I politely decline?

Long, nutty week this week: Job #2 tonight; teaching a skin care class tomorrow, which I will have to take the baby with me to; baby teeth cleaning tomorrow night when we get off work; then I'm teaching in Galveston like, all day on Thursday; then it's Friday and I am getting off early at 2pm so I can take a damn breather! Then Job #2 again on Sat. b/c I had to switch so I can take that 24-hour-long class on the 28th-29th at the sheriff's dept. The cool thing about Sat. though is that S and the baby are coming to the mall next door to my Job #2 so they can meet the wrestler Booker T.! That'll be so much fun for them! Then we can all have lunch together. And Sat. night is J.Fi's shower/party which we'll also go to as a family!!!

Pros and Cons

I have a job interview on Monday for the high-paying p/t job at a local college. This is the job that is currently being held by L.'s mom, who told me to put her down as a reference. I see no reason why I shouldn't be offered this job; not that I'm counting the chickens before they hatch but the odds are definitely in my favor. So I've already started thinking about what to do if I'm offered the gig. There's some pros and cons to taking this new job and leaving my current p/t Job #2--where I sit at this moment--and the BIG pro to the new job is the $$$. I have a feeling that could overwhelm everything else. Plus the new job would have me working every other Saturday ONLY from 10-1! Another big bonus, considering how hard it is already for me to get to Job #2 by 8 am on Saturdays.

The big thing will be going to this library, which is academic, on Monday and getting a feel for the environment, seeing the layout, seeing my workstation, meeting the people, etc. If it feels right--if, as in Confederacy of Dunces, my "valve opens happily"--then that should seal the deal at least on my part. But I'll miss the public library environment too, and I can't believe I just wrote that when you consider how unhappy I was at my last public library gig. But I think the difference here at Job #2 is that I am in a much smaller system on a much smaller scale. It feels more "homey" here, plus I'm here so infrequently I have nothing at all to do with any political bullshit or employee dysfunction or any of that crap. I show up, work my shift, and leave. But I also forgot how cool it is to see people doing all kinds of different research and leisure learning/reading. It's a breath of fresh air from the kind of uptight, scholarly library that is Job #1. And the collection here! I can't get enough of bringing home stuff for me, S, and the baby, all with the benefits of not getting charged any fines! So we'll see how it goes on Monday. Hell's bells, that's some good $ they're offering over there.

Last night it was bliss not having to rush off and play with Jimmy. I picked up the baby early from J.'s house and we ran some errands. Then she had the capital idea to go swimming, and I agreed although I had to threaten her with rescinding it when she was acting up a little bit at the store. But when we got home we threw on the suits (I just bought the baby a new one and I know she's been dying to try it out) and went for a swim, which was awesome. The pool almost felt heated, the water was so warm! I am proud to see that the baby is getting more independent and confident in the pool, although I still make her wear her Batman floaties. Then it was a leisurely evening spent at home. S brought us sno-cones although the baby did not get to eat any b/c she took 2 hours to eat her dinner! That pisses me off to no end, but all I can do is withhold dessert, which I did. I also told her that if she did not finish her chicken I was going to take $1 from her allowance to pay for it b/c we do not waste food in this house (food that I've paid for with my hard-earned money)! In the end I shamed her sufficiently enough that she trudged off to bed and was asleep by 9:30pm, which rarely happens. I know she is not getting her naps these days at J.'s house due to general activity and the distraction of having 4 dogs around.

(I asked S if his parents let him take 2 hours to eat dinner and he retorted that they kept him so busy, even at the age of 5, with building the house and moving pianos in his father's business that he was lucky he even had time to eat. My point exactly! The baby doesn't have to do anything in her life but be cute and have a good time! So I will not tolerate any bullshit on her part.)

Tonight I'm going to show the baby one of my fave movies of all time, Splash! I've already described it to her and she is very excited. A real-live mermaid!!!

Health notes: I am still getting over this cold after over a damn week! I agreed to S getting acupressure for his back the other day at $85 a pop. He really needed it. And yesterday we got the dental treatment plan for the baby: $643. Ouch. Thanks, whore! We will take the amicus' advice and send a copy to the whore with a demand that she pay 1/2, which she won't b/c she's a total idiot and is determined to lose custody! Good for us!

Child Psychology and Other Fun

Ok, some things I've noticed in the past week-and-a-half of being a full-time mom:

1. The weeks are going by incredibly slow, yet the days themselves are incredibly fast.
2. We are running the dishwasher a hell of a lot more. Plus the washing machine.
   
3. I don't remember or care what I had or will have for dinner. J2, you and J1 are wise to wait for kids. Once they come, forget about leisurely enjoying your wine and cheese!!!
   
4. Mornings--already not my finest time of day--are going to be bad for you if you piss me off by not brushing your teeth or putting your clothes on after the 3rd time I tell you to. I actually raised my voice yesterday to the baby, startling the both of us, but it got the job done.
   
5. Some things you just gotta ignore. Such as, an unmade bed (mine) and annoying chatter (hers).
   
6. When she sings along with me to Maurice Sendak's Alligators All Around and does clever, cute things that make me crack up, it's all worth it.
   

Now she is at her Auntie J.'s house, I'm at work, and S is in traffic court, hopefully getting his case dismissed after 3 years. I had to put in a couple of phone calls to the deputy that gave him the tickets and the deputy said he'd take care of it for me, so I only hope he follows through. I haven't heard from him yet though, and even sent him an email.

Yesterday the baby saw my office for the 1st time. I had to pick her up early and we went home and chilled out for awhile before I had to come back to work. She got to finally meet my coworkers, too. Now they have living proof that I have a child! Then we went to an evening meeting at the house of one of my fellow Hispanic Health Coalition board members, where we ordered in a bunch of Chinese and, incidentally, had a meeting.

I registered the baby for Vacation Bible School, which is next week, Monday-Friday from 9am-12:15. I figure I'll pick her up on my lunch hour and then take her to Auntie J.'s. I think she'll have fun and a week of learning about Jesus will be good for her! Plus, it's free!

One other thing about the baby: although S can't stand Angelina Jolie, I know what she means when she says that she does not have empathy for her child with Brad Pitt, or at least when compared to the feelings that she has for the 3 kids she's adopted. I've seen her say this in 2 interviews already. While it might sound a little harsh, I can sympathize with the sentiment. I'm afraid I don't have a lot of empathy for the baby, although S does have a lot for her--sometimes way too much. But I don't b/c I feel like the baby is very priviliged b/c she has me in her life. What I mean is, I am going to expect a lot from her, but on the other hand I am going to give her a lot. She has in me a mother that is killing herself to save her child, and working all these jobs and paying all this money and fighting an unbelievable fight and doing everything possible to win the war. Most children in this world and even this country don't have anyone to go to bat for them anywhere near this extent. Additionally, I'm doing all I can to force my brilliant mind and extraordinary worldview on her so that she can start soaking up as much as possible. Even yesterday while we were at the board meeting, while we were waiting for the Chinese to arrive I worked with the baby on her numbers workbook. I am constantly working with her, teaching her, molding her. So she's being given a lot, and so I am going to expect a lot in return. And just like I recognize strong, indeniable traits and behaviors--both good and some very bad--in me and my brother thanks to our parents, I despise yet accept the fact that the baby unfortunately is going to be cursed with some biological traits from the whore. So when the baby misbehaves or lies or has attitude--which, admittedly, is not often--I immediately think, "whore-influenced behavior" and I probably react a little too harshly towards it. I know she's only 5, but as her mother it's my duty and responsibility to society and the baby to squash and kill her crappy behavior and as much of those whore-influenced traits as I can! Hopefully at the end of the day, she ends up being patterned biologically more like S anyway, which would be wonderful for us and the world! So far that does seem to be the case, amazingly and thanks to God.

The Big Hiatus

Help! Somebody stop me from this "The Big--" theme! Actually, almost anything can be given the title "The Big" Something and it'll work.

To quote the great film Miss Firecracker, "Busy day, busy day." I tried to take S's car into the mechanic but they did not have the part and told me to come back later. So I took the baby to get kolaches, then to see my cousin the dental hygienist where we waited over 1/2 an hour since they were running late. But we got the baby's dental decay (courtesy of and thanks always to the whore!) evaluated and the baby is going to need a cleaning, a filling on 1 cavity and some composite substance put on her 2 brown, decayed front teeth. My cousin told me to bring the baby by the office next week after hours and she'll do the cleaning for free. As far as the rest, we'll just have to work out a payment plan, although our lawyer did fire off several pissed-off faxes today to all the atty's including the doddering old fool about how we will expect 50% reimbursement from the whore for all this dental work and also she better send those documents by this Thursday or else!!! At last, our sweet lawyer's inner shark is coming out!

So then I picked up Taco Hell for the baby and Auntie J. and her son and dropped the baby off. The mechanic still wasn't ready for S's car so I rode the rail into work--just what I wanted to do in 105-degree heat index heat! Now I'm here at Job #2 where it is nice and cold and for once, I'm loving it.

Ok, the big hiatus: I spoke to Jimmy. I said, "We need to talk", a line I know no man wants to hear from a woman! But I laid out how the Friday night thing is just not working for me and my schedule, and also that I don't want to play for him and make money if he's not making money. He said he completely understood and said he would try to line up some early Friday happy-hour gigs or some Saturday night gigs that work better for me. I implored him to please keep me posted, and reiterated how much I love his music and how impressed my dad and friends were with his songwriting also!

So now I'm just down to 4 jobs for the summer. After the summer is over and I quit teaching this season's skin care classes, I'll be back down to 3 jobs. I feel better already.

The Big Meeting

So we had the big meeting today at work to discuss my "attitude problem." Actually, it went ok. I had a few days to cool down and I already decided I was just going to be professional about everything and state the facts, which they let me do and even agreed with me! The fact is, this position has morphed over the years from "Consumer Health Librarian" to "Reference Librarian" and I told them that I simply don't have the time anymore to devote to the consumer health program b/c I am too busy doing lit. searches, desk duty, and outreaches/classes b/c there's no one else to do them! And I've got the #'s and evidence to back it up. But like I said, they agreed with me, and said that with the impending addition of 2 new folks to our dept. that the work should be alleviated. Yeah, well we'll see. At least I found out last week that this new chick they're hiring to be our Dept. Head--although she is totally unqualified and will have to be completely trained from the ground up and by... whom, exactly?--is in fact a friend of one of my dearest friends, so that's nice to hear.

So my attitude today is much better. I just decided that if they still want me around and can show it and prove it, then I'll feel better about sticking around. Deb H., that jerk, even asked me what can they do to help me with everything? What a nice question! I feel a little refreshed and even a little invigorated and sent off some go-getter emails based on some brainstorming we did in the meeting. The HR person even came to my office after the meeting to tell me that I did very well! Still--I'm eagerly awaiting response from the resumes I've been sending out, too. I'm not writing those off just yet.

Long weekend and I'm tired, even if Sat. was mostly a rest day, although we did have to go meet with the amicus atty. at his office. We all dressed up, me and the baby in dresses, and the meeting was short though we did have to wait a long time for him. He told us to take the baby to the dentist so I made an appt. for her for tomorrow with my cousin. Piece of cake! Also, I've been fighting with the whore via text messages (she thinks I'm S, which is exactly what she needs to think!) to send us those doc's on the baby that we need, which she finally sent today after I threatened to tell the court on her. We were able to tell the amicus that she continues to be uncooperative! He knows, he knows!

Yesterday we went to church w/Uncle Mano, who had come down for the weekend. He and S went to see Ratt and Poison, of all bands, on Sat. night while I stayed home with baby. So on Sunday I went on patrol with Mudflap on Special Assignment: The Mexican Flea Markets of North Houston! Whoo-whee! Culture shock! I felt so ethnic. Seriously, I had to use my Spanish a lot. So many cars get ripped off in the parking lots and it's always Dodge's and Chevy's with big stupid rims. Later we got involved in a "Zero Tolerance" sting on traffic, which I love! I pulled over this idiot lady with 4 kids in the back seat and none of them wearing seat belts! I wanted to tow her dumb ass and then throttle her, or maybe the other way around. She had no driver's license, no insurance, and no carseat for the 4-year old. Mudflap convinced me just to write her 3 tickets but I really should've towed her. Mudflap was all like, then you'll have 4 kids on the street and I was all like, better on the street than in a moving ton of metal where if they get hit they'll all be dead for sure!!! In the end I told that dumb bitch that I didn't want to see those kids without their belts again and that I was giving her a "Ticketazo." (Spanish slang for "big ass ticket.")

So now I'm just waiting until I can ride the rail down to pick up S's car from the mechanic again, after which I'll go pick up the baby from J.'s house. I'm also trying to decide if I should quit my Friday-night music gig with Jimmy or not. I'm not sure it's going to work out for my current lifestyle for the money involved, is the problem. Decisions, decisions.

The Big Day of Work

No, not all July posts will begin with "The Big"-whatever, I'm just on a roll. And today is a big day of work, I went to Job #1, then cut out early to go visit my disastrous kiosk at a local public library where I discovered the monitor is on the fritz and there's nothing I can do about it, and now I'm here at Job #2 where I did one of my other jobs, the skin care class job so I could make some extra $. Tomorrow night I'll be doing yet another of my jobs, gigging with Jimmy, and then on Sunday I'll be doing the Sheriff's job with Mudflap. If I don't put most Jamaicans to shame then I don't know who does.

Still sending out resumes, and still waiting. This makes 4 resumes that I've got out there in the world. In the meantime, I got some proposed times/dates for next week to discuss my future at Job #1 and I chose Monday! Let's get this over with!!!

Yesterday was a hoot, even if I did come down with S's cold. I felt myself fighting it off beginning Tuesday night, and early afternoon yesterday felt defeat as it overcame my system. But I still mustered enough energy to make a big batch of jambalaya, take the baby to the Chirren's Museum, then meet Tito J. for the drive down south to his brother's house for 4th of July celebrations. Where we had so much fun! The baby had several other kids to play with, and play they did. R. and her PIG showed up and I enjoyed visiting with them and catching up. They along with Tito J. listened patiently and sympathetically to my bitching about Job #1. Later, the kiddie pool was dragged out and filled and water gun and balloon mayhem ensued. I love seeing the baby have fun! Seeing her laugh and enjoy herself makes all the bad of the world go away, even if only momentarily.

So now I'm on Nyquil and Dayquil and that's the only thing that's keeping my body upright. In the too-early a.m. I have to drop off the baby at J.'s house and immediately go teach a class to senior citizens on how to find health information on the Internet--a group I've never taught before! But I'm an excellent teacher so I don't need practice, I just need an audience! At least I'm getting off work at 2, which'll give me the chance to spend a little time with the baby before I go gig with Jimmy.

The Big "Day Off"

I put "Day off" in quotes b/c I sit here at Job #2, after a day off from Job #1. I took the day off with the baby and I have to say, we had fun today! We slept in (bliss) and took our sweet time getting to the library down the street for storytime. But what a pleasant surprise when we walked in and saw Puppet Pizzazz instead! I love those guys, in fact, I hired them myself back in the day when I worked at the public library. So baby got to experience a wonderful cultural event today, in my opinion. Then we sat and read 5 more books so she could reach the 40 level for the summer reading club and get her next round of prizes! While I read to her several other kids gathered around and looked over our shoulder, which I thought was adorable and also reinforced the fact that I was and always will be an awesome children's librarian!

Later we ran errands: dollar store, Central Police Supply so I could buy my new magazine holsters so I'm ready to ride to ride with Mudflap this Sunday, and groceries. I totally see why some moms of young kids lose weight. All I had to eat today was a sausage kolache this a.m. and then 2 tacos from Taco Hell, not eaten until 2:30 pm. You spend so much time running around with kids it's hard to find time to eat sometimes! Then S came home from work a little early so I could make it down to Job #2.

Last night after we gave the baby her bath and put her little butt in bed, S and I were cuddling downstairs and watching Seinfeld. We both agreed that it feels totally natural and good having her here with us. I don't even care too much about having to scramble to find childcare or telling her 6 times this a.m. to brush her teeth or having to buy $7 children's cough syrup. She makes fighting the good fight totally worth it.

Tomorrow: if I have the energy to do it, Chirren's Museum for the 1st part of the day--their 4th of July programs have got me totally intrigued! Later on, family fun at Tito J.'s brother's house.

The Big Scramble

So we found out last night, less than 24 hours ago, that we are to have the baby for the ENTIRE month of July. And no one bothered to tell us this! And I had previously emailed our lawyer after I saw in the new court orders of May 30 that there were some summer visitation options for us, but that discussion got lost in the shuffle of everything else that's been going on. What happened was, I drove up north to drop off the baby last night, with Mano in tow b/c S was home sick with a cold, and the whore never showed up. So I began calling lawyers, i.e., ours and the amicus. My lawyer called back and told me to quit waiting for the whore and go home. Then she called back again and asked, "What is today? July 1?" Then she realized that since, according to the court orders--again, of May 30--we were supposed to let the whore know by April which summer dates we wanted for visitation. Well, since we didn't let her know by April, since, once again, these orders were not signed until May 30!--by court order default we get the month of July.

So I brought the baby all the way back home, not even all that pissed b/c mainly I was too busy being perplexed about what the hell we are going to do with her in terms of childcare. I told S we were just gonna have to enroll her in the daycare behind the house. So S went over there early this a.m. to see about doing so. I woke up early this a.m. as well and something was bothering me. Then it hit me--I wondered if we'd need immunization records, etc., which we don't have! So when S called me from the daycare saying not only did they NOT have any openings for July, but they need immunization records, the baby's birth certificate, and her social security card--again, none of which we have--I was not too surprised.

Ma to the rescue. This a.m. I took the baby down to my mom's house. But while driving to work, I thought a phone call to my friend J. (the Mexican Martha Stewart) might be worth a shot. She and I had previously discussed her babysitting for us once we got custody of the baby anyway, and even have already agreed on an hourly dollar figure! So I called J. and she said she is totally free for the month of July and would be happy to help us out! And as a bonus, she don't need no stinking records, etc.! So we agreed on a dollar figure, and the best part of all is it is much cheaper than a daycare would charge us, to boot! Still, she gave me her dollar figure and I upped it, wanting to be fair and also help J. out, since she is currently not working.

However, once I got to work I still called the whore b/c no matter what, we still need copies of all of the above. I figured either way we'd win: either she does fax me those records like we need, and/or if she didn't, then we have even more ammunition against her to use in court. I taped the conversation, natch, and she actually did agree to send the records but probably not until tomorrow. So once I get the records then I'll call her later this week and tell her, "Oh, we decided not to put her in daycare after all!" Ha ha!

So on Sat. I wrote in my blog that something needed to give for me, and soon, right? Thanks, God! I have now requested a bunch of vacation time this month at work so that I can have as much time with the baby as possible and also so she doesn't have to spend any more time with J. than truly necessary. J. is actually only going to need to be "on duty" for 3 weeks beginning next week anyway, or possibly starting the end of this week.

Also, I sent out 2 more resumes today. One of them is for a part-time job I absolutely have to have! It's actually the soon-to-be ex-p/t job of L.'s mom, who has promised to put in a good word for me with her boss. I already got an email back from him saying they'd put a short list of qualified candidates next week and let me know. I am SO qualified!!! "God, I hope I get it! I hope I get it!"

So yesterday--before all the crap of last night--was fun. I slept in, man! And then we went to the local Baptist church with Mano, who'd stayed over again. I think S is sold on this church, and I like it too b/c, true to all Baptists, everyone there is scary-friendly and they have that awesome library where me and the baby can check out books. Then we went to eat at this great quick-eats place called Amazon Grill and the food was really good and reasonably priced. But poor S was suffering with a bad cold. Still, he managed to suck it up long enough for us to swing by the Chirren's Museum for a quick visit.

So I'm taking tomorrow off from work and then Wed. is a much-needed holiday. I tell you what though, I'm not going to try to be SuperMom b/c I do need a break myself. Instead of trying to do 3-4 big things a day like I usually do with the baby, I'm going to limit it to 1-2. This weekend when I have S's help we'll rock and roll, but this week I've gotta chill.