Setback, Which is Normal

But still a pain in the ass. Seeing S on Monday night got to me. I actually cried about my divorce situation last night for the 1st time in about a month. They had made his group move in front of us at the meeting b/c an atty. from the D.A.'s office was sent to give us some new legislative updates (i.e., the penalty for a drive-by shooting that results in serious bodily injury AND death is now the same?!?! Which means the gangsters would do well to make sure they FINISH the job!!! What crack is our legislators smoking?!?!) so everyone had to sit together to see the powerpoint. Meant the back of S's head was in my field of vision. I kept looking at him, seething inside, thinking things like, How could you do this to us? What the fuck is wrong with you? Is your mother paying for your haircuts now? Also: God he's so good-looking, what a waste! I hate him! I can't believe it's come to this between us! I can't believe I'm married to him and I feel like I don't even know him! etc. etc. But from what I hear and read, these thoughts are all normal. I hate having to be normal.

My atty. has received all my documents in the mail and said that we should have Return of Service (I think that means S. will be served with the divorce papers but I didn't want to spend 6 minutes/$25 of my atty's time to ask him) within 2 weeks' time. And then S's baby mama called me today asking about the pictures of her daughter. I had called her a few weeks ago to tell her (among other things) that I had a whole bunch of pic's that I was using as leverage to make S cooperate with me and that if he didn't want them then I would give them to her. Today she called asking about them but I said S is not speaking to me so I didn't know yet if he was going to cooperate or not. I also told her I am cutting off his cell phone this week. We agreed to keep in touch, and she said his mother told her that he will be getting an apartment soon. She said she'd let me know where it is and also his new cell # if any. I tell you one thing, the only way he's getting an apartment is if his mommy pays for it!

So I'm back onto the healing process. Gonna go see Paula Nelson tonight, for free! I've never seen her but have been intrigued for awhile. Duh, she's Willie's progeny! J. said she'd go with me. It's at a bar/club in Midtown I've never been to either, so tonight should surely be an adventure.

I've eaten a whole bunch these last 3 days. We had a good Mexican dinner on Monday night after the meeting (Mudflap, my Sgt. friend, etc.). Then yesterday was the annual employee luncheon at work and I ate my fill, including dessert. Last night was my first board meeting of a women's health organization and they had dinner/dessert for us as well. This morning we had a breakfast at work in honor of St. Jerome and I picked up the kolaches and ate a bunch of other stuff (chocolate croissants: heavenly!) as well. I figured by now I must've gained a pound or 2 but I haven't. I did some Yoga on Demand last night and that helped a little with this latest round of stress/sadness. Hopefully tonight will be good music therapy b/c I gotta get back on that upswing I was on.