Had a good weekend w/my brother and Enor. Woody Allen movie was awesome. Spoke to Tommy on Sun. night, taking me to bedtime, for which I'm grateful. Cried on and off all day. Had to send email to "him" telling him to please leave me alone and not contact me (after 1 text on Sat. night and 1 email on Sun. morn received from him).
Yesterday unbelievably "he" texted me saying please let him talk to me, he's reaching out from his heart and needs to talk. I ignored it. He called 20 min later and I felt healthy enough to answer. He did most of the talking, saying he felt sick, he felt like he made a mistake, he loves me and wants to try and work things out. I asked "What's the point?", citing that we want different things in life. he replied "only when it comes to kids!" (OMG!!!) He repeated he loves me and I was his best friend and he wants a relationship with me and to not shut the door. I said HE shut the door on Saturday. I never said I loved him back b/c frankly I don't think I do anymore. I told him I was glad he was leaving town for a month and that I needed to not see/hear from him. He made me promise we'd talk when he got back and I said "fine" but not meaning it--wanting HIM to suffer a little bit now.
Enor later said if it's over, I need to make him understand that it's over. I sighed and agreed. Sent him a text saying I deserve someone to love me and desire me and who wants/needs me in their life and I did not believe that was him and for us to let each other go in peace and find peace and good luck and goodbye. He sent an immediate txt back saying I do deserve those things and he never said he didn't want those things w/me and to not listen to other people that are trying to pull me away from him and they're not in our hearts and souls. I ignored it. He called. I ignored it. He texted more and more--even having the nerve to ask if I was already seeing someone (OMG!!!). I ignored them.
Finally an hour and a half later he sent one final sad text saying he is sorry I feel this way and he sees where I'm going with this and that he wishes he could take it back and make it right between us again. He said he always loved coming home to me and we always had fun together and he loves me and wishes me lots of love and peace and he's sorry for what happened and he made a mistake and will move on now.
I went to see a therapist today. I cried there, lots. I'm going back on Friday. Going out tonite w/Phillipo and dinner tomorrow night w/Rozzy.
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