The Talk

Well hell, I am a little sad today. DA tried to call me several times yesterday and I didn't want to talk to him, also I was trying to think of how to word what I needed to say to him. Finally I answered as I was entering the park for my cold evening run in the rain. 1st off the bat he said that he talked to his grandma (the Mexican one that likes me) and she said she was looking forward to seeing me on Sunday at the superbowl party. Shit. Anyway, I told DA that I thought it would be best for both of us to take some time off of seeing each other so we can both reflect on our relationship and how or if we want things to progress--the usual textbook verbiage in this situation. He became a little argumentative, saying he didn't believe in "taking time off" and that I was "overreacting" and that I probably just didn't care about him. Oh my God--but I was too tired and exasperated to yell and scream in my defense so I just calmly stated my position and got off the phone w/him asap so I could go for my run. I only ran about a mile b/c I wasn't dressed nearly warm enough for the cold rainy weather but it was a good mile, very therapeutic. I felt very blueswoman, running in the rain like that.

When I got home I had already been formulating an angry song in my head about our conversation and it pretty much wrote itself. It's called "Quit Arguing With Me" (might change it to "Don't Argue With Me"). Later that evening I saw that he had sent me an email message. It was a long one and he finally came to his senses and agreed about taking some time off and also that he admits he's always been jealous that I have someone else in my life and that's why he hasn't been the best boyfriend he could be. It was a sweet, mature email and I'm glad he redeemed himself. I sent a nice one back, apologizing for hurting him and that I was sorry I'm going through a tough life transition right now where I have to focus on myself, possibly to the detriment and pain of others. I also said I don't know what's going to happen to us but that it's really not fair for me to expect anything from him anymore. I will definitely miss him and I'm totally regretful things turned out this way. But I honestly didn't expect for either him or Stefano to turn into boyfriend material. I didn't have any plans for either of them except for me to enjoy them and have a good time with them.

For some reason DA called me this afternoon but I did not answer and he didn't leave a message. I don't know what's up with that, but time off means time off. I already took his picture down in my office. Sniffle!

Stefano meanwhile continues to be the sweetest, most romantic adorable thing! He suggested us hooking up last night b/c he wanted to bring me flowers and also keep me warm, but I had to go on my run and although we briefly discussed him staying over I'd have had to get up at 4am with him in order to click him out. I hate how our schedules are so disparate, how he's such an early bird and I'm such a night owl. But whatever. I will definitely be on the lookout for another boytoy/manfriend/fuckbuddy asap b/c as much as I adore Stefano I need more attention/affection in terms of quantity than he can give me. Bad timing/scheduling, man, and there's nothing that can ever be done about that!

Rehearsal tonight and I just want it to be short and sweet. We're just gonna go over the CD songs as we're just doing an hour set on Saturday. Maybe the guys will want to go to the icehouse for beers afterwards; I'd love to run these men problems past them. Tomorrow I am SO glad to be working from home!!! My face is finally starting to clear up--Jesus!