Tomorrow I am taking the morning off from work so I can take the baby to see Happy the Clown at our local library, plus she needs to get her remaining prizes from the Summer Reading Club. We were going to take her to the circus last week--and S even nobally agreed, taking one for the team since he is scared of clowns--but when S's car troubles surfaced we realized we couldn't spare the $. We had to take his car in again yesterday, and today we're $365 poorer. Plus I just found out the car needs to be taken back anyway since apparently the problem is not fixed. Thank God for the Emergency Fund. Of course, we're still screwed when it comes to the baby's $600+ dental bill we'll have on Thursday... and the $2500 lawyer's bill I gotta pay on Friday... Oh wait, this bitching needs to go over on the personal finance blog.
One possible good thing did happen today. When I picked S up from work at lunchtime to go get his car he was on the phone with his so-called mother. After much cajoling and pleading his case, she finally, after much-guilt tripping agreed to send us $250. I'll believe it when I see the check.
Speaking of so-called "parents", I decided to do an Internet search on my father today. Don't know why, except I was stalling having to finish a difficult lit. search at work and I was just trying to distract myself. I found a very interesting and strange script that appears to be written by a former co-worker of his. In the script he portrays my father in a variety of seemingly-semi-biographical scenarious, and the dialogue rings true to my father's nature, too. Take the following excerpt for example:
"Carlos is a Mayan (tejano) he has a large face resembling Jerry Colona. Carlos is sitting back telling stories.
CARLOS I remember my first job in Television. I was working at KLGL or Grand Klegel as it was known in the promos. It was a division of KL media klamedia ... It was owned by a former air force colonel. Colonel Bob. He had a very paternal attitude about his employees and the place ran kind of like a big family or in my case a big plantation family.
CARLOS (CONT'D) One day I was mopping the studio floor. It was the week of Christmas and we had a christmas party in one of the studios. Colonel Bob had just handed out Christmas bonuses. The station had had a good year and ad revenues were way up. The male news anchor got $10,000, The female news anchor got $5,000 And us Mexicans got bags of groceries and christmas cards.
CARLOS (CONT'D) I was counting on that bonus to buy some presents for my wife and kids. So there I am stewing and steaming and mopping the floor. So in comes Colonel Bob, slightly drunk, and he comes up to me and says
CUT TO RE-ENACTMENT
COLONEL BOB “Son, What's your name?” CARLOS Carlos sir.
COLONEL BOB Don’t it feel good to have a job son?
CARLOS (narrating voice over) I thought about it for a moment.
We see memory thought cloud bubbles appear over his left and then ......right shoulder
CARLOS (CONT'D) I needed the job, It was in the field I was trained for, I needed the paycheck, I had a wife and two kids.
CARLOS (CONT'D) But something in me compelled to answer him honestly. He had asked me how it felt to have a job. And my answer honestly told him how I felt about his job..
CARLOS (CONT'D) FUCK YOU!!! Then I walked out with my bag of groceries and christmas card."
This sure sounds like something he would do. The script goes on to portray my father in some other semi-biographical situations, such as him being drunk, homeless, in jail, etc. Since I feel like I don't REALLY know my father all that well, and even less so ever since I became a cop/wife/mother and S has no use for him either (S has about as much tolerance for my father as I do for S's mother--zero to none), it's interesting to read this and gain a little insight into my father from another person's point of view.
I just remembered why I did the Internet search on him. He called me today and asked me for my home address. I gave it to him, asked no questions, and hung up.
I was marvelling recently on how much of my father I see in myself sometimes when I am parenting, or attemping to parent. My dad always had a mean streak and even when he made us cry would laugh at us. I've been doing some things to the baby that are nowhere near this cruel, but still in my father's vein of parenting humor. For example, when I took her to the dentist and we were left alone for awhile, I found an empty syringe (no needle) and began to tease the baby, pretending I was giving her a shot. (But then I let her tease me back with it.) Or recently, I've been threatening to knock out her loose bottom tooth with a hammer, or pluck it out with tweezers, or cut it out with scissors, and I've been chasing her around the house with these various instruments. My mannerisms and body language when I tease her are frighteningly just like my father's! Also, he LOVED to sneak up and scare the shit out of us, and I did that once to her too when she was standing in the dark kitchen (but she thought it was funny). He also used to tickle us until we couldn't breathe and pissed our pants, but again, I would never go that far.
The baby got in BIG trouble yesterday. I raised my voice big time and even threatened to spank her, which I never do!!!!!! I had turned the car on so it would cool off before we left J.'s house, and while I was talking to J. the baby did something I've never seen her do. She got into the front seat, climbed over to the driver's seat, and honked the horn. Man, I turned into Scary Police Mom and told her to GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW and counted to 3. I don't think I've ever seen the baby so scared! I scolded her up, down, left and right and even made her look at me in the face while I gave her the business. I locked her in her carseat and shut the door while I calmed down, talking to J. Then I felt bad, but I explained to the baby how incredibly dangerous that was, and tried not to think about what could've happened if she had knocked the car in gear. Oh my God! I told S about it and when he saw her he gave her the business too (but much calmer and nicer than I was).
I always wonder about these stupid accidents where kids do stupid things and what kind of idiot parents are involved, but man... there but for the Grace of God goes I. And anyone! Of course, the hope is that the baby learned her lesson even while recovering from my extreme seriousness. I think she did. We had a great time playing at the park, and I came very close to getting her a dog. There was the cutest brown puppy with the cutest fuzziest face there and he was wearing a gold collar! This family was trying to get rid of him b/c he was a stray that followed them home that they could not keep. I tried to get R. or Tito J. to take him, but they wouldn't. I then asked S if we could consider it! But he snapped me back to reality with warnings of hair, pee, and other gross things. But I really liked that cute dog!!! I'm a sucker for cute fuzzy faces. After all, I married S, heh heh!
Today's post needs to end on a laugh so I'll end it with an actual funny joke that P. in VA told me. If you don't get it, I'm sorry, I can't help you!
Q: What's the difference between a blues musician and a jazz musician?
A: A blues musician plays 3 chords for thousands of people; a jazz musician plays thousands of chords for 3 people!
Man, that's funny stuff!!!
2 comments:
And I am not kidding about this--my cousin DID put his dad's car in gear when my stupid uncle left him alone. The car rolled down a hill and smashed into their neighbor's house. It's never to early to teach kids how to be safe in and around cars, as far as I'm concerned.
She pisses me off big time too when she tries to play hide and seek when we are getting in the car. I have told her about this many times but she forgets and keeps doing it. It is all I can do to keep from yelling at her so it sticks in her thick baby skull.
Post a Comment