I Was the Only One Not Killed

Out of a class of 16 people this weekend, I was the only one who didn't get killed by (or killed) the crazy, suicidal person in the practical scenario. I shouldn't use the word "crazy", the old me would've but this class really opened my eyes to the world of the mentally ill. And it was only a 24-hour-long class in CIT (Crisis Intervention Training)!

Man, was this weekend rough. I didn't get much sleep and I actually burst into tears at the class yesterday b/c when I don't get enough sleep I get weepy! Plus we had been watching I am Sam which I'd never seen before and it was such a sad movie! Also the mentally ill suicidal person in the scenario made me feel sad. Still, I didn't get killed and he didn't die and that's the important thing.

This weekend we learned all about the mentally ill, everything from the psychotic episodes to OCD to the Mentally Retarded to Alzheimer's. We watched a bunch of videos, such as episodes of Frontline, 20/20, 60 Minutes, Dr. Phil, and even some of Bumfights, which is absolutely horrible. We watched a documentary made by a woman about her schizophrenic mother, which had me actually tearing up at times! [I'm telling you, becoming a wife and mother has softened me up!] We discussed the 4 types of mental illness: Mood disorders, Personality disorders, Development disorders, and Psychosis, and everything under those umbrellas. At break I asked Mudflap and C. if they weren't starting to feel a little sympathetic towards these "nutjobs", gesturing towards the inmates (the class was held at the jail downtown).

Sat. night I just had to take a break and go see the new Werner Herzog movie, Rescue Dawn with S. I went b/c of Herzog, and S went b/c Christian Bale is his favorite actor. But that's the reason I didn't get much sleep on Sat. night! But this was the only time we had to go see the movie since it was our 1 weekend without the baby, who is back now and will be with us again next weekend.

So for the practical scenario at the end of class on Sunday, we had to use the tips and techniques we'd been learning all weekend for dealing with the mentally ill, as a police officer. Everyone went into the room 1 at a time and they just took us in alphabetical order. After you did the scenario, you were allowed to stay in the room and observe everyone after you. The rest of us stayed in the other classroom while we waited and watched I Am Sam, which stars Sean Penn playing a person with MR (Mental Retardation) who is fighting for custody of his daughter (no surprise it made me cry!) So I came at about the middle of the class b/c of my married last name. Had I still had my maiden name, I would've been first! They later told me they wish I had gone last so everyone could see how I handled the situation. Anyway, so as I went into the classroom to do the scenario, I was told that I'd been called to a warehouse where the workers were saying there was a disturbed person in the back who was pouring gasoline on himself. I was the first responder and I was the only one there to deal with him while I was waiting for backup to get there.

As I turned the corner into the classroom, I saw a guy (really one of the Sgt.'s) sitting in the corner, dressed like a bum, surrounded by newspapers and trash on the ground, holding up a newspaper, his hands shaking. It scared me, so I kept a good distance away but I introduced myself and asked his name (they'd told us the importance of getting the person's name and using it often). He told me and I asked him what the problem was but he began talking to someone next to him who was not there. So I asked him to please talk to me (I used the word "please" a lot) but did ask him who he was talking to, to which he answered "Momma." I said I didn't see his momma (another tip we'd learned, to not play into their delusions) but asked what momma was saying to him (they said it's ok to ask what the voices are saying since if the voices, which are almost always negative, are saying to get our gun and kill us then we might want to know that). He started pouring "gasoline" on himself (a Sprite bottle) and pulled out a lighter!!! [BTW, I take my scenarios very seriously--they stress me out a hell of a lot and to me, they are real b/c any of this shit could really go down someday out in the real world.] I asked him to please put the lighter down and not do that, and used his name over and over and said please a lot. I asked him by name to please toss me the lighter and he did. Then he pulled out another lighter! He said that his momma was telling him to kill himself and I asked did he want to do that, to which he said no. I said I didn't want him to either so please toss me that lighter, which he did. Then he pulled out another one! I said he was scaring me and making me nervous and asked did he ever feel that way, to which he said yes, and to please toss me that lighter too, which he did. Then he put down the newspaper and there were these 2 balloons in his lap! I asked him to tell me what was wrong and he held up the balloons. I asked what they were and he said "Timmy." I could see there were faces drawn on the balloons. I asked if there was anything wrong with Timmy and he pointed to the face, which had tears running down its cheeks and an unhappy mouth. I said, "Awww, Timmy's sad?" and I think I even cocked my head to the side, not being condescending, but genuinely concerned! After all, that's what I would do with a child. He nodded and I asked why, to which he said Timmy didn't want him to kill himself either. The other balloon was also named Timmy and he was sad too. I reminded him that I didn't want him to kill himself either so his momma was outvoted 4 to 1 and I held up my fingers to show the math.

He asked if I would get him a hamburger and I said yes, that I would. He asked if my husband knew I was out on patrol, a question which I ignored. I eventually convinced him that it would be better to come outside with me since it was a nice, sunny day outside and it wasn't very nice hanging out in this dark warehouse that kind of smelled bad, right? (Here I used a tip I learned in Mary Kay, to smile and nod b/c they taught us that it's very hard to say no to someone who's smiling and noddding!) He agreed, and I tried to get him to stand up. He asked if I could help him but I was still scared so I stayed my distance and asked if he was hurt anywhere, to which he said no (I think I went over almost every body part b/c I was also stalling, waiting for backup to arrive). I made him stand up slowly b/c I said "I want to make sure you're ok and not hurt anywhere." So he did, and I saw he had a fork stuck in his belt. I asked him to please drop the fork b/c he didn't need the fork to eat the hamburger, so he did. He also dropped the balloons and I said that it was ok to leave "the 2 Timmy's" here. I asked if he had any other weapons, to which he said yes, a little teeny tiny penknife and held up his fingers to indicate a tiny knife. I asked him to please take it out of his pocket and he did, and opened it up but it was a big pocketknife, about a 4-5-inch blade! It was then that I "pulled" my "gun" and held it to my side, but away from him so he couldn't see it. I asked him to please drop it, and he did. I asked him if he had anything else, anything sharp, any needles, but he said no. I said the car was on its way to take him to get some help and the hamburger, and asked if he wanted cheese on that burger, was he a mustard/mayonnaise man, pickles, fries on the side?

Then the Sgt. came out of character and looked at the class and started clapping. Everyone else started clapping too, and it was then that I started crying! I said it was only b/c the movie was so sad, but the truth is the scenario also made me sad, plus I was emotional and sleep-deprived on top of that. Apparently, like I said, I was the only one who hadn't gotten killed, plus I used all the right tips and techniques and found almost every clue there (the sad balloons, the fork in the pants) that a lot of other people missed. Now I did do a couple of things wrong, such as not notice a gun on the floor near him, but it didn't matter b/c I made him my friend and he didn't want to kill himself and didn't want to hurt me by the time I was done with him. (They'd told us the importance of taking your time and establishing a rapport.)

So then I got to stay and watch the last 1/2 of the class come in and do the scenario. Everyone else got killed too. Either they got way too close too fast to the suicidal guy and he grabbed the gun and shot them, or they got too close and he knifed them, or they got too close and they all caught on fire. Some people offended him by calling the 2 Timmy's "balloons" and pissed him off, or didn't get his name at all, or tried to just order him around. (I was also the only one who noticed the sad balloon faces, again maybe b/c I'm a mom.) As tired as I was, I definitely tried to learn as much as I could and get as much as I could from this class. Was everyone else sleeping through the videos? Were they not able to overcome their "copness"? I don't know. Mudflap died b/c he saw the gun immediately and tried to grab it to get it away, so he got too close and got killed. C. ended up killing the poor guy b/c he grabbed something out of his pocket too fast.

They said that there is a 40-hour class that we can take at the Academy and get a little pin for our uniform that says "CIT Officer". So now I want to take the class and get the pin! Who knows, maybe I have talents in dealing with the mentally ill. I definitely feel a lot more enlightened about them and am anxious to see how I can help them from now on.