A Mouthful of Bummer

So today the periodontist did his thing. Fortunately my cousin, the dental hygienist, highly recommended him and told me I was in good hands! Yeah, I bet! They sccrrrraaaaped away deep between the teeth and gums. It was pretty wild. Fortunately I didn't feel much due to the numbing shots I got, 5 in all including the roof of the mouth. They also told me my blood pressure was too high--YOU THINK?!? When I got home S said I was talking like Barry White. I couldn't eat anything until around 2:30 this afternoon. Now I just can't wait to get home and drink the last of my Riesling that has lasted me all week! Alas, that will have to wait until after Job #2 and the gym tonight.

Tomorrow should be fun though. S will go pick up the baby while I run to the salon, Job #2, and then J. Fu and her yuppie friends have organized a Sex and The City movie outing. The co-hostess even rented a limo, at no cost to us! After the movie we'll go have drinks and J. Fu has offered to cover me since she didn't officially get me a b-day gift. She's so sweet. But I'm going to have to have at least a couple of drinks in order to hang around yuppie scum all night. I simply find them to be the most boring people on the face of the earth!!! Jesus help me.

We are pretty much ready for the baby's birthday pool party on Saturday. I got her 4 pairs of earrings from Claire's and got me a couple of pairs of handcuff earrings while I was at it--Ha! We also got her a butterfly t-shirt, some dress-up hair, and other girly fun stuff. Since we're also cooking out by the pool we just have to get the last minute food items and ice. I don't know if we'll have any other kids there but my cousin's daughter said she's going to bring her 2. We'll see!

Periodontist Fun

I am going to the periodontist in the morning. I went yesterday and he probed deep with an evil little tool. Now I have to go back and he is going to clean my clock. I just hope I am able to eat birthday cake on Saturday at the baby's b-day party. At any rate, this should help me with my weight-loss goals. I have a feeling I'll be on the all-soup diet for a couple of days.

Word to the wise: floss in the back. I don't always and now I'm paying for it big time.

Brass Knuckles

I am now the proud owner of my very first pair of brass knuckles! Unfortunately, S is now the practical owner of them b/c they are so big that there is a good half-inch of space between them and my knuckles when I put them on and he says I will hurt myself should I attempt to use them. So he took them for his use. Dammit! He actually laughed when he saw me put them on. My fingers are way skinny. Rings never fit me. My largest finger/ring size is a 5, no joke. Brass knuckles are illegal to own, however, so if you want to know how I got them you'll have to wait for my autobiography to come out.

I had a pretty good holiday weekend. I ended up going out on patrol all day on Saturday from 9:30am-10pm. I visited our recently fallen brother in the hospital who got shot outside a Taqueria last week and sat at the foot of his hospital bed while he told us how the shit went down. I was glad to see he had one of the best, most legendary doctors that you could ask for. Our brother should probably be home by now, having been shot in the thigh, and the turd he shot is in a medically-induced coma, last I heard. The turd is wanted for murder in Louisiana. I only regret that he got shot in the arm and torso and not the brain. I need to investigate buying some more serious, damage-causing ammo. I don't know if my hollow-points are going to be enough in this day and age.

Later we were chasing a suspect through a neighborhood and they called K9 out. We followed the dog down the railroad tracks for a good 1/2 hour, with me staying as far away from the dog as possible. (I got nipped on the arm back in '04 and I'm still scared of those dogs!) It was around 8:30pm and it was dusk that turned to dark. We were walking on the tracks with the river next to us and the woods to the other side, owls calling, fireflies, the whole works. I felt like Woodrow Call hunting some Indians!!! Sadly, the dog failed to find the scent. I was hot, sweating into my eyes, my calves hurt from walking on the tracks and rocks, and I was loving every minute of it!

TGIF and Lord, I Need A Holiday

What I don't need are any more of these delightful Honolulu cookies that my colleague brought back from the conference they were all at this week. They are half-dipped in chocolate (the cookies, not my colleagues). It's official: I need to lose 10 pounds. Even S is making comments. My response: "You like big butts and you cannot lie!" He is down to 201, so he's lost about 15-20 lbs or so. It helps when you've spent the last 5 months working out every single day! When I was done with my academy I too was trim and muscle-y! But now all I do is sit at Job #1, sit in the car on the way to Job #2, sit at Job #2, sit in the car on the way home, sit on the couch at home! F**K! I am, however, going to the gym after Job #2 this evening.

I've decided after 4 long months it's time I got my big butt out there on patrol. I guess I'll go tomorrow. It would be nice to have tomorrow to decompress, go patrol on Sunday, and then have the Monday holiday to decompress again but S is going to be busy tomorrow with his job hunting so I might as well get out there too. That way he and I will have Sunday and Monday to spend together. I think Monday we'll go see the new Indiana Jones movie. Tomorrow I am going to hit it hard. I plan to be at the substation around 9am, then I'll patrol until 10 or 11pm. That way I in get as many hours in as possible and only have to drive out there once this month, due to outrageous gas prices.

Monday night we will finally have the chance to go shooting, though ammo prices are even more outrageous than gas prices. I was at the gun show last Saturday (it was held at the same location as the exhibit I was working) and almost pissed my pants when I saw that bulk ammo prices have literally almost doubled since I last purchased. 34 cents/bullet, I shit you not. When I questioned my fellow gun show-ers they attributed it to the weak dollar, cost of copper, etc. My wallet will feel every single bullet that comes out of my barrel at that muthafucking price. Chris Rock once joked that we should put high prices on bullets instead of having gun control to prevent gun crime. "I'd cap your ass if it weren't so expensive!" Uh, we're almost there!!! Thank God my instructors at the academy who think I'm cute gave me a crapload of targets for free so I can save $ there! But we will finally shoot S's new gun for the first time. He refuses to give it a name, but I am secretly calling it "Trigger" after the horse and Willie Nelson's guitar.

Waiting on the World to Change

This is an awesome song by John Mayer. It is so awesome in fact, that no less than Stevie Wonder says he wishes he'd written it! S is lucky enough to have a copy on his IPOD and I was listening to it yesterday b/c I can frequently be found driving S's car, Charlie Murphy, since S has to take the "good" car Blue Lou on his long job-hunting drives. Anyway, we had a meeting with our lawyer yesterday and this is an appropriate song for our current milieu. Especially the lyrics about how we don't have the means to rise above and beat [corruption] and how the fight ain't fair. S basically has decided we're done with this custody battle. At this point it's been over 2 years and almost $30,000 and we can't move on with our lives and now he just wants us to cut our losses. I did not agree 100% but it's really all up to S. He always told me that as long as he did everything in his power then whatever the resolution was he would live with it. I guess he's decided he's reached that point. However, in talking to our lawyer yesterday, I got the feeling of, who knows how far this could still go? That's b/c we are still going to have to go through a formal mediation process. This is where S and the whore sit down (and no one else besides them and the lawyers get to actively participate--in other words, me and dickhead have no say) and try to agree on certain things. For example, S is going to demand that he be put on the baby's birth certificate and she be given our last name. (The baby, unbelievably, has the whore's maiden name as a last name--the name the whore doesn't even use b/c she kept her married name from her 1st husband!!! So yes, the baby has a fucked-up last name that, besides being Third-world, matches NO ONE. Further evidence that the whore is absolutely borderline retarded. I'm sorry. That is an insult to those who have mental retardation. They are worlds brighter and more sophisticated than the whore.) The whore, in return, may demand $1,000 a month in child support. Then negotiations begin when necessary with the mediator mediating everything and the lawyers all having their say as well.

Now, since this is a beastly, mongoloid, diseased, sociopathic whore we're dealing with, even mediation with lawyers and everyone may not work. Our lawyer says if the whore refuses to meet S in the middle on any of his demands or negotiate, then we are still going to have to go to trial, supposedly in July. So we're definitely looking at another $10,000 in lawyer's fees at least if it comes to that. I can't even think about that at this point so I'm not even going to try.

When all is said and done, in another 5 or so more years the baby will be able to legally decide where she wants to live full-time. S is planning on her wanting to live with us if it comes to that point. Or even before, if it comes to that point. And we have loads of evidence that we are going to share with the baby when she's old enough. Photos of her brown, rotten teeth thanks to the whore's neglect. 22 recorded messages of a drunken dickhead threatening S over the phone. That filthy CPS report where the baby was coached into saying horrible lies about us. Oh yeah! Revenge is a dish best served cold. And who knows, maybe dickhead will beat the whore to death or maybe one of her old johns or pimps will come out of the woodworks and hunt her down and take her out, Robert Blake-style. Dare to dream.

So that's that for now. Moving on. These past few days have been... I don't even have the words for them. I have been living on the road in my own damn town. I was out at a Senior Health Expo last Friday. And we picked up the baby for our weekend, but then I was out all day on Saturday at a local medical society expo. Sunday was my one glorious day. It was so warm outside and sunny and beautiful, and we went to church, lunch, and then swimming! Sunday night S took the baby back and I went grocery shopping and it was just a perfect summer evening. I had to take a minute outside and just soak it in for a moment.

Monday I was out at an exhibit at a conference at the Galleria mall, Houston's world-famous shoppingasm. Yesterday I had a dentist appointment, and boy, am I in trouble. I have to go see a PERIODONTIST. This is the 2nd opinion I've gotten on the matter so I guess there's no denying it. My gums have been bleeding on and off most of the year but I was convinced it was stress-related, b/c I floss almost every day! Then amazingly, no bleeding around the time we went on vacation and none since then. My dentist is all, "You're at that age, and I would've sent you to a periodontist 2 years ago." Really? Crap.

Today I gave a presentation with a group panel back at the conference and now I'm sitting in my office trying to unpack from last Friday and all the other days in between. There's reports to write, outreach forms to fill out, receipts to find (b/c since I was on the road so much, you better believe I used my company credit card to eat good, boy howdy!!!) and besides all that, there's other work that came in while I was gone that I need to get to.

Poor S has been sick for most of the past week. First we thought it was allergies. Then he got an attack of his chronic stomach flu. Then he got a sore throat. And he was pissy besides, so Monday night he went over to Mudflap's house to watch wrestling b/c sometimes it's just best not to be around him! Want to have a long, fruitful marriage? Get away from each other when necessary! Also give your money to marriage counselors instead of divorce lawyers! It works, today we are back to being nice and loving each other. Last night he was over at one of the police agencies going through some more interview process, so I got out my bottle of Reisling that was 3/4 full, drank another 2/4 (b/c it's gotta last) and watched The Best, Funniest, Trashiest Movie Of All Time, Showgirls, and had the best time with myself.

Good Thing I Like Chicken Salad

...because it's comin' out of my ears! I always choose chicken salad for lunch when I can help it. I've had it all week at all these work lunch meetings. Chicken salad and shrimp po-boys, those are the things I must try everywhere!

Here are some b-day dinner pics. First me and L. who, as usual, did not behave herself! At the end of the night she walked out of the restaurant holding her glass of wine and got in her car like it was Bourbon Street or something!
And here's some of my dear friends!
Here's my uncle, for sure up to no good. Speaking of shrimp po-boys.

My dad and his entourage, demanding cake. He's a cake-aholic like me. Damn those genetics.

L. and my dad singing "The Band."
And here's a shot from sunny South Padre Isle! That's S out there in the surf! All we had was the boogie board that Tito J. gave me and we shredded it by Friday. When we have $ someday we're getting surfboards!

Dang This Week Has Been Busy

...and it's only Wednesday. But the good thing is I'm getting a lot of free meals at work due to all these lunch meetings. I got lunch yesterday, today, and will get it again tomorrow. On Saturday I have to exhibit at a conference and I'm getting lunch there too.

Yesterday me and the new librarian went to exhibit down the street. I was a little fed up about the situation so in the morning I bought us Starbucks with my company credit card (I got the green tea). Then I bought us a yummy Mediterranean meal. I spared no expense.

I had to put my foot down. Next week almost everyone's going to be gone at MLA in Chicago--except for me and the new librarian. But they've got me out exhibiting all day on Monday, Tuesday night, then I'm giving presentations offsite on Wednesday and Thursday. Then they want me to be around the office every other available minute to babysit the new librarian. I said fine, but something's got to give. I cannot exhibit on Tuesday night! I have GOT to earn $ while S is job hunting and evenings are when I'm at Job #2. So I won that little battle.

Speaking of S he is really out there hitting it hard. He is trying to make time in the mornings to go to the gym and keep his physique at top level b/c he is going to have to do a bunch of physical fitness tests during the hiring process. Then he goes to hand-deliver applications at various agencies and interview when possible. He is car-pooling with some of the other cadets at times to save on gas. Mudflap and I were joking around about the physical fitness tests. I saw one where they want you to push a damn car! I don't think I've ever pushed a car in my life. Mudflap said next they'll want you to push a horse. I offered, "Ride a bucking bronco" and "Stay on a bull for 8 seconds."

Lovin' In My Baby's Eyes

I know I keep going on about Taj Mahal, but the word on the streets is that Pres. Bush's daughter Jenna and her new husband danced their first song to Taj's "Lovin' In My Baby's Eyes" at their wedding on Saturday!!! Superb taste.

I'm at Job #2 for the next hour. Last week was just wonderful. My b-day dinner was so fun, and vacation on South Padre Island was much-needed and much-enjoyed. Also decadent: we ate some good food down there including Japanese hibachi dinner, blackened shrimp tacos, and even went for ice cream at Dairy Queen! We also had snacks, rum, and leftover birthday cake in the hotel room. Hell's bells, I seriously need to lose about 5-8 lbs. Ok, 5. Now that I'm 36 I can see it's getting harder and harder to stay slim.

But I got the absolute best birthday gift I could have ever asked for: R. surprised the HELL out of me by giving me a CD of the Carolina Chocolate Drops!!! It was brilliant!!! It was perfect!!! I never suspected it!!! She had to send off for it!!! I teared up, I swear!!! It even came with stickers!!! I listened to it on that long drive to Padre and felt so incredibly lucky.

So now I'm back and this week finds my schedule loaded up at a totally unreasonable level, but what else is new. Next week is going to be even more ridiculous. Pic's from vacation, etc., coming as soon as I can get to it! (Hopefully tomorrow or Wednesday.)

The Rat

But first, a word about Job #1: As the young people say, "Craptastic"! I found out yesterday that my right hand man at Job #1, Bob, is leaving us and his last day is in fact, next Friday. This means the workload is going to pile on even more UNLESS we can get that new librarian as fully trained as possible by next week! But I won't be in for the rest of the week starting tomorrow so it's up to the other 2 librarians to do so. We'll just see. But I am a little distressed, since Bob and his technical expertise was invaluable to my hated electronic kiosk project that I've had to oversee lo these many years. Before he leaves he's going to have to teach me how it all works.

It's going to be weird to go on vacation on Thursday since I haven't had one in so long. I always scoff and sneer internally at those losers who take work with them on vacation or check email or what have you. Yet, now that I have more responsibilities I can see how it's going to be a little--not hard--but strange to leave it all behind. Oh well, I'm sure the sun on South Padre will bake my brain into oblivion!

"So little to do and plenty of time to do it in!", as Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka would say. "Wait, scratch that--reverse it." Since tomorrow is my b-day and we'll be busy sleeping in, having lunch, possibly going to the gym for one last bathing suit workout (and I've been mostly good lately! Mano came over last night and brought pizza and I had NONE of it!), picking up my b-day cake, having the b-day dinner with friends and family, I've got a lot to do before we actually leave Thursday morning: get to the library and stock up on books, DVD's and CD's if they got any good ones, get to the store to buy drinks and snacks for the drive and our hotel room, and pack, which I am way out of practice on. My goal is to leave Thursday morning by 9am since it's a 6-hour drive down to Padre.

Ok, so this is Year of the Rat which is my actual Chinese zodiac sign. Here is what they say about the Rat, with comments from me (Interesting Trivia Note: my mom is one, too!):

"Being the first sign of the Chinese zodiac, rats are leaders, pioneers and conquerors. [I'll buy that.] They are charming, passionate, charismatic, practical and hardworking. [Hell yeah, all of the above!] Rat people are endowed with great leadership skills and are the most highly organized, meticulous, and systematic of the twelve signs. [I concur.] Intelligent and cunning at the same time, rats are highly ambitious and strong-willed people who are keen and unapologetic promoters of their own agendas, which often include money and power. [Hee hee, 'tis so true.] They are energetic and versatile and can usually find their way around obstacles, and adapt to various environments easily. [All the time.] A rat's natural charm and sharp demeanor make it an appealing friend for almost anyone, but rats are usually highly exclusive and selective when choosing friends and so often have only a few very close friends whom they trust. [Yes, but I actually have lots of close friends, all of whom were still chosen extremely exclusively and most of whom I trust.]

Behind the smiles and charm, rats can be terribly obstinate and controlling, insisting on having things their way no matter what the cost. [Unfortunately, yes.] These people tend to have immense control of their emotions, which they may use as a tool to manipulate and exploit others, both emotionally and mentally. [Actually, I have little control over my temper in lots of situations.] Rats are masters of mind games and can be very dangerous, calculative and downright cruel if the need arises. [Yes, S calls me the Master Shit Talker and my filthy mouth has been known to astonish many.] Quick-tempered and aggressive, they will not think twice about exacting revenge on those that hurt them in any way. [Most definitely.] Rats need to learn to relax sometimes, as they can be quite obsessed with detail, intolerant and strict, demanding order, obedience, and perfection. [Well, yeah!!! I'm a librarian, musician, AND a cop! What choice do I have!]

A valuable lesson for Rats is to learn to consider others before themselves, at least sometimes, and to avoid forcing their ideas onto others. [Yes, at times I have worried that I've got a little too much sociopath in me thanks to my father's genetics.] Rats are fair in their dealings and expect the same from others in return, and can be deeply affronted if they feel they have been deceived or that their trust has been abused. [It's true that I always try to be fair no matter what.] Sometimes they set their targets too high, whether in relation to their friends or in their career. But as the years pass, they will become more idealistic and tolerant. [I'm really looking forward to this.] If they can develop their sense of self and realize it leaves room for others in their life as well, Rats can find true happiness.

According to tradition, Rats often carry heavy karma and at some point in life may face an identity crisis or some kind of feeling of guilt. [I don't know about this one. Guilt, after all, is petty bourgeois crap.] Rats are said to often have to work very long and hard for everything they may earn or have in life. However, a Rat born during the day is said to have things a bit easier than those who are born at night. [Perhaps. I was born in the afternoon and thank God when things seem to turn out easy for me.] Traditionally, Rats born during the night may face extreme hardships and suffering throughout life. Rats in general should guard themselves against hedonism and nostalgia, as it may lead to self-destruction. Gambling, alcohol and drugs tend to be great temptations to Rat natives. [Yes! Lord knows I've been tempted a time or two. Except for the gambling and drugs. I hate gambling.]

Traditionally, Rats should avoid Horses, but they can usually find their best friends and love interests in Monkeys, Dragons, and Oxen. [S is none of these but that doesn't concern me.]

Professions include espionage, psychiatry, psychology, writing, politics, law, engineering, accounting, detective work, acting, and pathology." [All the above sounds awesome to me except for the engineering and maybe the accounting.]

So there it is! I better enjoy my year b/c it only happens every 12 years!

There Are 2 Cops in My House

...and S is now the other one! He passed the TCLEOSE test with no problems--scoring a 91!--and graduated on Friday and we were all so proud. Mudflap and I were there in uniform and I even got to personally hand S his diploma b/c I am a family member in law enforcement. Pic's are on my uncle's camera since I found out I would be handing S his diploma literally 2 seconds before I did so, thus was unable to capture the moment in pictures. Also in attendance were my mom, stepdad, aunt, and uncle. [S's so-called mother was there with her husband too but fortunately they had the good taste to leave immediately after the ceremony so we were spared the unpleasantness of having to lay eyes on them or be in their near vicinity.] S's friend T. brought the baby down for us but they just missed the ceremony. Still, afterwards we all went out to eat and had a great time! It was a real celebration and reminded me of when I graduated from the academy and went out to eat with my friends and loved ones, 3 years ago.

After dinner we rushed to drop the baby off at J.'s house, change clothes, and get to the Tower of Power gig. Poor S was so exhausted so we only stayed an hour but we got to see A. funk the house and it was a superb show, indeed.

Saturday S and the baby did indeed trek up to my board retreat with me and they went to see Iron Man, which they loved, while I did serious work. The baby snuck into the room before we broke for lunch and I kept her amused with a big plate of fruit. The other board members referred to the baby as our "honorary" board member since she had also been with us last year at Galveston's retreat!
We all rode the water taxi to a nice Italian restaurant, and S's friend S. met us there. The board picked up the tab for everyone, which was awesome!

The hard-working, hard-partying Board!

So today finds S out trying to get a job. It may take a month or two, possibly more. I will continue to work my ass off until he does b/c it will be worth it. He is taking the civil service tests at 2 agencies today and has another one scheduled in June. More app's will be filled out and mailed off and more tests scheduled. But any agency will be lucky to get him!

I'm so excited this week about my birthday dinner on Wednesday and vacation on Thursday! S and I both need to get away after these past 2 years of extreme work and stress.

Whew!

What a whirlwind week. And it's still going strong, into the weekend. The past few days have been nuts. Tomorrow will be insane. Saturday will be non-compis mentis. I'm running out of psychiatric terms here.

Here's the agenda for tomorrow:
Job #1 until noon
Go pick up A. from the Sheraton Hotel so we can have lunch!
Job #2 until 4:30pm.
Change into sheriff's uniform.
Go see S graduate from the police academy at 6!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hopefully go out for dinner with friends and the baby, who will have been brought down here for us by S's friend, T.
Change out of sheriff's uniform.
Drop off the baby at J.'s house.
Me and S go see A. and his mad trumpet/flugelhorn skills rock the house with Tower of Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (They play at 11pm, good lord!)

Right now as we speak A. is playing with TOP at the New Orleans JazzFest. A. said he'd never heard of that festival. I asked him if he'd ever heard of this instrument called the trumpet or if he ever heard of this great jazz music school called the University of North Texas. I said he didn't deserve to go to JazzFest and that I should go in his place.

Saturday I'll barely have gotten enough sleep before I have to trek up to The Woodlands for the annual High-spanic Health Coalition Board of Directors' all-day retreat. S and the baby may come with me if we can figure out the logistics. Sunday should find us with L. and her man at their new apartment, grilling and poolside. Damn, I needs a vacation. Good thing that's coming up next week!