When psychotic cats attack

M.'s mean cat Luke attacked me for absolutely no reason last night, and even after I fed him! Fucker! I was a professional cat, dog, and house-sitter for many years. I had to chase down cats and force medicine into their mouths. I had to give dogs shots. I've walked, fed, cuddled, played with, and slept with animals that weren't mine many times--and I have NEVER, not ONE time been bit or attacked. I was so pissed. He scratched and bit the shit out of my ankle, drawing blood in several places and ripping my pantyhose. I was holding Lucy's big metal dog dish and I threw it at Luke (making sure not to hit him though, although now I'm thinking I should've hit him to give him a taste of his own medicine). Luke ran to the side of the couch, and I followed him and threw the dog dish at him again. Like I said, I was pissed. I know I have the temper of a hellion, but dammit, in fairness to myself, my temper only really flares up when I am provoked or attacked first. Then I let Lucy into the house and told her to go find Luke and eat him. I took Luke's full food dish, emptied the food back into the bag, and only left him a small snack of a few kernals to eat. That fucking cat will be put on a survival diet only, until M. gets back!

I texted M. that his cat needs to be put down. He called back awhile later (also to tell me it was 80 degrees in Hawaii) to find out what happened. The conversation went partly as follows:
M: He doesn't have claws, I cut his nails.
me: Was he de-clawed, or did you just cut the nails?
M: No, I just cut them.
me: Well, he still has claws!!!
M. hypothesized that I was attacked b/c Luke knew I was scared. Well, I do happen to know that Luke is a mean cat and when I first met M. his hands were always covered with cat scratches. But I've never been outright scared, maybe just a little nervous walking past Luke in the dark. I mean, I've come face-to-face with a damn mountain lion while hiking in New Mexico and lived to tell about that. But last night when I was attacked I was busy in the kitchen getting Lucy's dinner, not even thinking about the damn cat.

I tell you what though, it's on now!!! Luke better watch his ass from here on out. Tonight when I show up I'm going to bring some kind of weapon, either a spray bottle or a broom or something, and if I see Luke anywhere near me, he's getting attacked by me first. I've put a restraining order on that fucking feline. The element of surprise is the best advantage to have in a battle, and it's mine now.

S health note: He's still sick but he went into work today. I'm not sure he'll feel up to the Mardi Gras party tonight, poor thing. I can't wait to get all dolled up, toga and Mardi Gras style! R. suggested we wear our fangs tonight, and so we will!