Lovely Weekend. Simply Lovely

I did a whole buncha relaxin' which was MUCH needed, as always. Stefano and I had a great weekend together. Our friend's blues band on Friday night, sleeping late on Saturday, after which he made a breakfast of egg whites w/onion, avocado, and his yellow banana peppers from his garden that I got to pick! Even Saturday night dinner w/my pater familias, his girlfriend, and my brother was quite enjoyable. We swapped stories about Chicago and ate at our fave Thai restaurant, followed by a trip to get ice cream. Sunday was another sleep-in day, and then I had to go see my mom to fix her latest computer problem. Sunday night Stefano came over and we got in bed to snuggle and watched Food Inc. Gross! I am OFF meat for awhile now!

The only bad thing was that, all of a sudden, beginning last Thursday (or maybe it was Friday) I had this painful knot in my back, underneath my right shoulderblade. I have NEVER had back problems in my life, not ONE! It sorta went away Sat-Sun but this a.m. it was back. I am guessing maybe it's b/c of the mediation on Wednesday?

So it was kinda funny b/c I had received one of S's bank letters at my house again a few days ago, but instead of being a bank statement it was a reward card to Starbucks in the amount of $10! He had cashed in some of his points from his new debit card, I guess, since no one on earth will give him a credit card. I wrestled ethically w/that for a bit. Should I return the card to him? Or should I just SPEND it?!?! I decided to SPEND it! That is but a mere drop in the bucket towards the $ he owes me. So before mediation I ran by the Starbucks and got myself a delicious egg salad sandwich, chicken pasta salad, and a fatfree coffee cake. All I can say is... YUM.

When I got to mediation, no surprise, S was there w/his fatass ugly mother. I told my atty. no way in hell would I agree to her participating. (After all, when S and I had attempted mediation w/the whore, she demanded I stay outside too.) The 4 of us were led to a conference room where the mediation would take place. The mediator was an old-school expert in mediation, my atty. told me later. When my atty. objected to S's fatass mom being in there she was led next door to another room by the mediator and S got up and followed, being a big loser brat as always. But my atty. offered to also step out and the mediator said it was sometimes helpful for the 2 parties to just have some alone time w/the mediator to get things out initially. So that's what we did.

The mediator let me begin since I was the one who had commenced the divorce. I laid out the whole story of our marriage/problems/breakup in about 10 minutes and when it was S's turn all he said was basically, Fine, whatever, I don't have time for this, She left me homeless and with nothing to my name, Let's just get this over with so I can get out there and find a job, blah blah blah poor me, poor me. Why was I not surprised??? What was really upsetting though--again, not that I should be surprised--was that he lied about how his daughter is so scared of me now that "whenever I come around" she pees her pants. OH MY GOD. This is the whore accusing us of bullshit all over again--the lies are SO outrageous as to be laughable. I am SERIOUS.

Since S and I clearly hate each other so much, the mediator then led S to go be with his mommy so she could kiss him on the head and wipe his nose and ass for him. (Even my atty., who's been divorced, said he thought it was way creepy to want to bring your mom to your divorce mediation.) Then my atty. came back in w/me and we began to discuss tactics. The mediator went back and forth between the 2 rooms. At one point I could hear S and his mom through the thin wall (I was standing up by the window) and they were talking loudly about my guns! WTF that has to do with anything was beyond me, and I frankly couldn't understand how S wants to waste time talking about bullshit when he claimed he just wanted to "get it all over with."

The really upsetting thing for me came when my atty. and the mediator pointed out that S really has nothing to lose since he 1. has no real source of income and 2. is living with his mother and 3. is driving our Ford Crown Vic which is, to quote S, "falling apart." I, on the other hand, have a home in my name, a good car, 2 retirement accounts, and plenty of money including several checking and savings accounts--all of which S still has claim to since we are still, technically, married!!! I was horrified. I just wanted S to pay me back the remaining balance of the custody battle debt on my credit card but he was now claiming that if he gives up interest in all of MY assets then that should leave him square. What it finally came down to was, I could continue to fight him on the custody battle debt, continue to pay my atty. to handle my case for the next few months, and who knows what the judge would finally decide to do? He may even decide to make us pay an appraiser to come and appraise the house and then force us to sell it! (And yes, I was worried about an appraiser coming in b/c of all the improvements I have been making w/J. and the renovating she's done and how nice the place is now.)

The only guarantee was that I would continue to pay my atty. And the math was too iffy, but I certainly did NOT want to lose my house and I definitely do NOT want S to have any claim to any of MY assets. I could continue to fight for months, or I could sign the mediator's paper and be done that afternoon. After a couple of hours of this, I decided to sign. The mediator thanked me for my ability to step away and see the big picture. I was pissed off at S for not doing the right thing and taking the remaining $14K custody battle debt off my hands--but he sure did sign off on all the things that I had to lose.

I also couldn't believe that the mediator wrote in his ruling that we will keep whatever possessions we currently have in our possession. I have several valuable items of S's that he said he wanted back: his police academy papers/books. A closet full of clothes and shoes. Some of his furniture and some other very valuable things. The 2 boxes of custody battle documents, evidence, etc. 2 of his child's baby teeth and some photos of her from when she was a baby and dozens more of her life with me. Wow, so I get to keep it all. I didn't WANT to keep that shit, I wanted him to pay me my $ and I wanted to give this crap back to him.

All in all though... I'm done. I have to go to court one last time to verify to the judge that I agreed to the mediation agreement. Then my atty. will write up the divorce decree and we'll all sign it and I should be officially divorced next month, God willing. I have to say, I've had a couple of bad dreams/nightmares since last Wednesday. Most of all, I just can't believe what S has become. I can't believe the man I married has turned on me so. I am amazed and bewildered at how badly this marriage turned out to be. I was looking at him in mediation and felt like I was looking at a stranger. That is really what hurts the most. Not that it hurts for very long, b/c it's true that I am so much happier now and Stefano is Mr. Dream Come True. But this was not how I planned my life with S to be at all and I just feel... bamboozled. Me! It's appalling. But--I don't ever have to see S again and I can really, finally move on w/my life for good. Except for having to pay the rest of the custody battle debt, which is going to take me a long fucking time. But all my assets are completely MINE at least--forever.