The Reserves

That is the title of my documentary. I think it's brilliant and sublime in its simplicity! I spoke to the Chief yesterday on the phone and pitched him my idea. My knees almost buckled and I probably exhaled audibly when he said he thought it was a "kick-ass" idea and that he was excited to hear something so "out of the box." He really did sound excited about the project and promised to take my proposal and my treatment to the Sheriff!!! I sent it to him this morning and I just got an email back from him saying he will let me know after reviewing with the Sheriff. Oh please, oh please!

Meanwhile I am working on my script (it's practically writing itself--I am reminded of that scene in the movie The Paper where Randy Quaid is scribbling out the article in the car before deadline and he says, "This piece is writing itself. It's like butter! I mean, there is actual butter coming out of my pen!") every spare moment I have got. Even my reading is taking a backseat to this project! My dad has requested a meeting with me next week to discuss particulars and he and my brother are on board. They will help me with cameras, equipment, editing, all that technical shit of which I know nothing. I am busy with writing and being creative and even plunked out a few ideas for an original musical score on my keyboard the other night!

So the next steps are:

1. Receive final approval from the Sheriff.
2. Think of a name for my production company? Do I even need this? Why not, it'll be fun! So far I'm almost married to "2:10 Train Productions."
   
3. Finish my script before next Friday's meeting with pater familias.
   
4. Finalize budget, shooting schedule.
   
5. Contact the specific Reserves whom I want to feature in the film.
   
6. Research and apply for outside funding, sponsorship, etc.
7. Finalize script.
8. Get ready to rock and roll! Shooting to begin Summer 2009?
   

Of course, meeting with my father could reveal lots of other steps I don't even know about yet. He's sent me a few emails but I think these are the major things that need to happen FIRST. My brother warned me to be prepared to spend my entire life on this project so I guess that means all my nights and weekends. Should be fun! Am I crazy and naive? Maybe, but it should all be fun regardless! I can't wait to see my vision come to life onscreen. I just can't let my dad get to me and drive me batshit the way he tends to do with everyone around him.

In health news, I have cause to be concerned, at least financially. I had my sleep study follow-up yesterday and they recommended a mandibular realignment device that a dentist must make for me. This will help with my airway being so blocked and should lessen the snoring problem. The good news is that, unbelievably, my insurance will cover it! The bad news is, they will cover it after I've met my deductible for the year. The deductible is $750 and the device could cost $900-1000. SHIT! He also gave me a prescription for restless leg syndrome, even though I don't have RLS, but he gave it to me anyway so it'll help with my kicking, twitching, rolling and thrashing. S says he thinks there was less of that last night but the snoring remains, of course. S says I need to get the dental device. I am going to have to find a dentist that will put me on a payment plan. Again I say, SHIT!

This weekend will consist of me working like a madwoman on my script, reading when possible, and a patrol shift sometime tomorrow. I may actually go out with Mudflap on the 11p-7a shift tomorrow night since he's been requested to work in my district for once. I just may do that. That means I should stay up real late tonight and sleep extra late tomorrow morning so I am better prepared for that 11-7! But first, tonight a trip to the new House of Blues with G. so I can personally inspect it and check it out!

My Treatment is Done! Etc.

Boy have I accomplished a lot this week and it's only Wednesday! I feel like J2 and her self-betterment accomplishment bet. I found out today at work the $25,000 grant I wrote and applied for is being awarded to me, yaaayyy! I am finishing up the little $5,000 grant I got last year and have spent almost every last dime, but will spent all of it by next month. Today I wrote my documentary screen shot outline AND my 2-page treatment and sent them off to my pater familias and my little brother for review. (It should be noted that before I did that I had to research how to even write a treatment!) Next I will draft my standard documentary release form for interviewees and then begin my script. Also today I finalized the dates for my March San Antonio trip with Brandon from MO and Tito J. All this makes up for the misery of earlier in the week when S and I came out to my car after the sheriff meeting on Monday night to see that a turd had bashed in my car window in order to steal S's GPS. I was so pissed I was stomping around cussing and yelling and was doubly-pissed b/c I ALWAYS hide that damn GPS whenever I park on the street, in large parking lots, in parking garages, etc. and the ONE time I don't hide it, look what happens. Now if I can just finish one of my library books before it is due back on Sunday I'll be an accomplised young lady, indeed!

Librarian, Deputy Sheriff, Bassist...Documentarian?

So I have decided to add yet another category to my resume, that of documentary filmmaker! As these things are wont to occur, I got the sudden idea on Sunday night to make a short documentary and when I considered the possible topics I could make a documentary on, it hit me that the Reserves would be a pretty good subject seeing as how I have an intimate "in" with them already and I know it's an unexplored subject. I immediately contacted little bro' to see what he thought of the idea and if he would be available to assist me in any way. I have already run the idea past Mudflap and S who think it's a good one, and today contacted my pater familias to see if he had any counsel for me since he is thoroughly experienced in this area. He even volunteered to help me; maybe I will take him up on the offer, though it's still too soon to tell. I also called the Reserve office today to request a meeting with the Chief b/c, while I can make the film regardless, I would prefer to have the administration's endorsement, support, and cooperation. In the meantime I have been researching documentary script writing, documentary financing options, and have already put down on paper my scene shot list. My next steps are to write a treatment and begin my real script since the ideas are all in my head and I really just need to transpose them into written format.

While part of me is asking myself why I want to put just ONE MORE THING on my plate at this point in my life, another part of me is totally excited by this project and exhilarated by the process and imagining how the final product will turn out! So far, my very rough goal is to hopefully begin shooting this summer and maybe be finished in about a year. Hee hee! It's funny to hear myself talking like a filmmaker. That has always been my dad's and brother's realm. But, I've always prided myself on being a woman of vision, so why the hell not take this on?!

Ironically, I'm not 100% real happy with the Reserves currently. My transfer request was denied and (here's one reason I have never really liked cops before--they [we] lie, lie, lie!) I was given 2 different reasons why at our Monday night meeting by 2 different higher-ups. My Lt. said I could go speak to the Major about the decision and oh boy, you bet I did grab the Major after the meeting was over to confront him about this. But he listened to me tell a partial truth to him (oh, the irony of 2 sentences ago!!!) and honestly tried to counsel me while also telling me that my district only has like 8 people in it (true) and the district I want to go to has like 17 (probably true too). So he implored me to give it another try and I agreed. SIGH. I'm not devastated, I truly would've missed a lot of the friends I've made in my district, I just want assholes to stop MESSING WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got a totally unexpected phone call today. One of our recently ousted ex-Majors called me today to check up on me and I was so tickled and touched. This is the Major that stood up for me when my application to the Reserves was rejected lo these many years ago. He had vouched for me and put his good name behind me and took me under his wing--all while sternly putting me on notice that he was not about to be disappointed by me, or else! Of course, we all know the end to that story, as not only did I make him proud by graduating valedictorian of my class but continuing to this day to live an exemplary life and being a model deputy! Anyway, we had a nice little chat and I told him how much I missed him and promised to keep in touch with him. And I really do miss him and if he were only still with us I could really use his help with getting DH's application accepted. Hopefully we'll know something about that in another 2-3 weeks.

Clean House!

We have a nice clean house now. The baby and I cleaned the shit out of the house on Saturday and the reason she and I did that is b/c her grades are now all of a sudden sucking majorly and she also is having bad behavior days at school and that is totally unacceptable. So, as I put it to her, since she apparently is having all her fun at school and not doing what she's supposed to be doing, she didn't need to be having any more fun on Saturday and she was ordered to organize her toys and books in her room, scrub the bathtub, was not allowed to watch any tv, and had to mop both bathrooms and the entire downstairs (the latter which she totally enjoyed, by the way, and wanted to do it again after she did it once).

I just don't know what to think or do about this child and the most frustrating part is that there's practically nothing we can do to help her anyway. We talk to her and express our concerns, and meet with her teacher, but the limited time we get to spend with the baby is just not really significant enough to have an impact on her day to day living. A 6-year old can't be expected to remember on a Tuesday that if she's bad that day then 11 days from now when she's back at our house there will be consequences and she will not like them. I was not thrilled that she enjoyed the mopping, and S said as long as she did what I told her to do on Saturday--and she did--then Sunday we could have fun with her again. The only other thing I can think of to do is just not have as many fun rewards for her, but S took her to the movies on Sunday anyway. She already has not gotten her allowance all school year due to bad behavior reports. We give her $1 for each "A" she gets on her report card, which she promptly spends, so when she wants things at the store I am constantly reminding her why she has no $ to spend. At this point I don't know what else to do and maybe I don't need to be worried so much anyway since she is, after all, just in 1st grade. I guess I should just be glad that we are saving $ by not giving her her allowance and that I might continue to have good slave labor house cleaning assistance.

After cleaning house and going grocery shopping we had just enough time to go to the park before it got dark. I ran just a tiny bit but couldn't stray too far from the playground so I could keep an eye on her. I was wearing my "Miss Nelson Is Not Amused" t-shirt and the baby asked about it, so that warranted a stop by the library down the street to pick up the "Miss Nelson" books! When we got home I read them to her and we had a lot of fun doing that. I had to re-read them, too, by popular demand!

Tonight is our monthly sheriff's meeting and I am hoping my transfer will take effect beginning today. S got a call from our investigator this past weekend who said that S's bad credit issue is a problem. I can't believe that as outstanding as S is in every other way, that his bad credit could be the one thing keeping him from getting commissioned as a Texas peace officer!!! This is frustrating as hell for the both of us too and is very disheartening. I feel like calling up these assholes and pointing out that since he's married to me he's not a bribery risk b/c I make good money, and if he could only get a decent job I could stop working all these extra hours and then I could give more of my time to law enforcement and my patrol time, so they'd DOUBLY benefit, by getting an awesome asset like S and getting more of me at the same time!!!

Too Busy Vs. Not

I read something interesting last night that said in today's society the problem is either being too busy or not busy enough and the better option is the former. Hmmmm. Really? I am too busy in the sense that I have 3 jobs, but at night I generally am at home relaxing, watching TV, reading. I don't do much housework; fortunately S does his good share of housework for which I am extremely grateful. Sure, it would be nice if I had time to cook more (ok, at all) and tackle projects around the house like cleaning out the downstairs hall closet, but these things can certainly wait. For now I mostly wish I had more time to read, as I have 46 books on my "To Read" GoodReads list!!!

Today S went to pick up the baby as it was turn. Not sure what she and I will do tomorrow. Looks like it'll be warm enough to take her to the park and let her run around while I read; that would be awesome. If I weren't such a slattern I would dust and vacuum upstairs and mop downstairs. I am, as always, looking forward to the Oscars on Sunday and wish I had friends who were into them as much as I am! S calls the Oscars my SuperBowl.

This year's I-Fest schedule was announced this week and it has made me blissfully happy! I am so there for Los Lobos, Marcia Ball, Little Joe, Mavis Staples, and miscellaneous other good musical times.

Summer, Come Quickly

I love summer. I mean, I freakin' LOVE summer. I think I've made that quite clear in my blog from time to time. I always slim down naturally during the heat of summertime, too. Cold weather just makes me want to hibernate and eat and who needs that?

Just got off the phone with J.G., an old buddy from college who I found on Facebook. Since I did not have a car in college he drove me to see Rick Danko in concert in Dallas once and although he did not know who Rick Danko was, he enjoyed the concert and enjoyed coming with me--a true friend. Today J.G. is a father, a Mason, and a new Houstonian, yay! Lord, we are all growing up.

Lesson Learned

Isn't life great when you can learn a valuable lesson? And this is a big one too!!!: Do NOT and I repeat, DO NOT start the Slim-Fast Diet the day before you donate blood. Who knew that a mere 24 hours would make such a difference? Last Friday I had Slim-Fast for lunch. I ate a grilled chicken sandwich and fries for dinner. Saturday morning I ate a Breakfast Jack and at noon when I donated blood at the science museum, well, my body was having none of that and violently protested. Mudflap pointed out later, "Your body is smarter than you are." No foolin'!

I've donated blood probably around 30 times in my lifetime and while I've gotten slightly sick just 2-3 times before, this last time was the kicker! Thank God little bro' was there to help carry me to the bathroom. There was no appeasing my system, not juice, not food, nothing! I didn't start to feel ok until 30-45 min. later. And the rest of the day I was wiped out and weak. Somehow I managed to still go grocery shopping and make S's V-day sausage balls--eating cookies helped. Lawd!

The other bad news is that this blood donation revealed that, after many years of having a healthy cholesterol level, now my cholesterol is 201, or borderline high. Not good, although I do credit that to all this recent overindulgence of sweets of various kinds. I have had a couple of arguments lately with friends who are concerned about my desire to lose a few pounds (my ex-Sgt. says, "You look good!") but now I have the evidence to prove that it needs to be done. Today's lunch of a chocolate Slim-Fast was extra satisfying! (Ok. Maybe not.)

Dramatic blood donation experience aside, "Valentina" Day was nice. S came home early from work and caught me making the sausage balls, but he loved having them to snack on that night. He brought home carnations (roses are reserved for our anniversary, 3 days later and sans jacked-up rose prices!) and also the movie Soul Men, which I'd been wanting to watch. Unfortunately we didn't finish it since it wasn't that good.

Sunday I finally got a haircut after 7 months and later met J. Fu at the Big Easy for a blues diva benefit. Our bass player friend Larry asked me to spell him for a set--no need to ask me twice! Even though I had to literally rip off my fingernails and Larry's bass had brutal flat-wound strings on them, it was so fun to get up there and rock out. I miss playing more than I care to think about it.

Monday was a holiday from Job #1 and I gave myself the day off from Job #2 so I could get a patrol shift in. Not much was going on though we did inspect some gang graffiti and I got a good lesson on the meanings of lots of the symbols, signs, letters, etc. We made one arrest of a dumbass idiot that was trying to break into cars and later were called to a non-responsive 75-year old man that had stopped breathing. His wife was crying and his daughter was heroically doing chest compressions and CPR while paramedics got ready to shock him. I got a little teary-eyed feeling their pain and feeling empathy for them, especially in light of such a nice V-day with S, but then reminded myself that I'm a big bad cop and to knock it off. Still, the guy had had 2 previous heart attacks and was taking Lipitor in addition to a number of other medications, which brings me back to the need for me to get my cholesterol back down and lose some weight!

#3: RIP A.M.

More sad to be had. I found out today that someone else I know has died. That makes #3 and I was wondering if I'd hear about a third. This was an ex-fellow-children's librarian from my public library days, A.M. She was so sweet. She was kind of a "head" children's librarian who oversaw several branch children's librarians. She was funny, soft spoken, warm, gentle. We once lost a children's librarian, K.K., to suicide and A.M. and she were close. In fact, the night before the suicide K.K. sought refuge at A.M.'s house, which I remember thinking was about the best place I could think of to seek refuge, if necessary, due to A.M.'s loving, gentle nature. The next day K.K. went back to work, excused herself, went out to her car and shot herself in the chest, heartbroken over a serious (lesbian) relationship gone wrong. But at least A.M. had been there for her at the very end. Well now A.M. is gone too but it sounds like she was enjoying life up in Colorado Springs these past few years.

God! My heart is heavy these days! Good thing I am not depressed anymore or all this sadness and emotion might've very well pushed me over the edge--who knows? S brought home the heart-shaped cheesecake last night but I put it in the fridge, to be savored tonight and tomorrow. However, I was curious and decided to weigh myself last night too and the news is not good! I am now determined to lose 10 lbs. I am not amused at the customizable Slim-Fast website that says I do not need to lose any weight and in fact could even gain some if I wanted. Sure, if I want to buy all new pants!!! I have been creeping up in weight over the past few months and now I am determined to stop it. My jeans today feel tight. I may not be overweight per se but I must do what I can NOW to prevent middle-age spread and besides, there are lumpy parts that need addressing, toot suite with swimsuit season approaching!!!

My plan is simple. Since the thing that works best with me is starvation, I think the Slim-Fast approach is going to be the best one. I have no time or patience for calorie counting or portion measuring or cooking a bunch of healthy food at home. So I'm simply going to have Slim-Fast for lunch, Monday-Friday. Additionally I am going to attempt walking at lunchtime, perhaps over to the zoo/park area. Today I had Slim-Fast for lunch and 4 hours later, my stomach is growling--good! I'll eat a few Goldfish in the car on the way to Job #2 and then I'll enjoy dinner, knowing I've earned it. Tomorrow: the gym! Sunday: running with S!

Live Every Week Like It's Shark Week

So now 2 people I know have died in 1 week and neither were aged. Ms. Library Director was in her early 60's and the other person, a local scene maker married to a well-known local musician, was born in 1958. I am trying to remember more than ever to live every week like it's shark week!

I'm feeling really happy these days which blows my mind considering how miserable and depressed I had been for the past 3 weeks. S and I are back in our honeymoon phase and it's great and I want to keep it there and nurture it as long as possible. V-day is off to a great start. La Mad has brought back the heart-shaped cheesecakes and this year you can even get strawberries or chocolate on top! S said he would get me one and for his gift, since he broke his "everyday" watch recently I gave him approval to buy a nice Swiss army watch at a deal from one of his coworkers. And of course, our 3rd wedding anniversary is next Tues. I have ordered Season 4 and 5 of Curb Your Enthusiasm for S (and me!) to enjoy.

I really missed S last night when I was gone for my sleep study, which was a trip. I arrived at 8pm and was told to get dressed for bed already (long flannel nightgown, thigh-high socks). The sleep tech then proceeded to get me completely wired up, literally. She attached 2 waist band sensors around me. I got 2 electrodes on my chest and 20, yes 20 electrodes on my head, face, and scalp. Wires were attached to each leg. Finally, oxygen sensors were placed in my nostrils. I felt like Frankendela and in fact, when I called Brandon in MO I said it was Frankendela calling which I think he liked. I had planned to watch tv, read, lie around and talk on the phone all night but it took the tech almost an hour to get me all hooked up so by that time it was pretty much time for me to get in bed and try to get ready for slumber. I fell asleep soon after Letterman but then I woke up about 5-6 times and didn't achieve REM until almost 4am at which time it was time for me to go home! First my damn nose sensors kept falling out so she had to give me another kind that taped under my nose; then the sensor behind my left ear fell off and she had to come find it; then I had to go to the bathroom and she had to come in and unhook the little machine, etc. etc. So now I just hope that I didn't have performance anxiety and I snored and rolled like a champion, but I guess we'll find out how they can help me in a week or so.

During Times of Grief and Rain

...it's best to just sit in your office with the heater on your feet and eat Ghirardelli's Chocolate Peppermint Bark, bought on ultra-sale at Bed Bath and Beyond at their post-Christmas sale! Seriously...I am mad about peppermint and chocolate together.

Anyway, today they rounded us all up and we had a library-wide meeting about the death of our esteemed director. No one still knows what she died of. I know she wanted it to be a private matter, but I for one am imagining all kinds of horrible scenarios and that can't be good for me! The EAP guy suggested we all share stories and memories. I actually did share one! I told about how when we were in Shreveport, LA in 2003 for a library conference and we were at the science museum for an evening reception and dinner. I sat in and played bass that night with the band, much to everyone's delight. But at one point I found myself alone with Ms. Director, who kind of strong-armed, or herded, me with her to explore the museum for a few minutes. We came upon a gigantic ant farm and we both thought it was way cool. I suggested we get one for the Library! We could put it right in front of the ref and circ desks, I said. And she loved the idea and agreed! I got a big laugh from the crowd with that story.

Tomorrow is a big day. I have a couple of meetings, then I'm off to work at Job #2 for just 1 hour after which hopefully S and I can go down to South Houston for my beloved aunt's surprise birthday party. Then I must report to a local sleep study clinic so I can do, well, a sleep study. We need to get down to the bottom of my snoring problem. S also reports that I jerk and twitch and roll a lot too. He also claims I make whining and whimpering noises. I bet this is a hoot to watch, but it wreaks havoc on S's sleep and ultimately, our marriage!

S and I had a talk on Sunday night. He initiated it and it was a nice, productive talk. We resolved some issues and agreed on some strategies to be a better spouse to each other. I feel more at peace than I have in weeks. Tonight we see our counselor again, which I'm looking forward to.

What I Did on My February Weekend

This weekend has been great, even if I am still mad at S and things are still not copacetic between us. I went out on Fri. night with P. and J. and we went to the Last Concert Cafe first, where a Houston-legendary band was celebrating its 20th anniversary. Both guitarists paid me the proper respect (though I was surprised) by getting up from their meals when I walked into the restaurant part and coming over to me and giving me hugs! I do, after all, have a long, storied history with them. While there me, P. and J. drank sangrias and I considered the occasional waft of marijuana smell to be valuable peace officer training for me. After the LCC we mosey'd on over to Dan Electro's and enjoyed a quick beer before shutting that place down. It was a fun night of musical activities and cameraderie!

Yesterday was also fun-filled with activities. I slept in late (ahhhhh) and the baby and I headed over to the science museum to "work" a 2-hour shift at the Library's table. We ate lunch on the company's dime and worked a little and saw some cool stuff. But we had to leave promptly in order to make the free in-store performance at Cactus Records of the beautiful Denise Franke, which served to soothe my soul, not to mention the free St. Arnold's beer they serve during all in-stores! The baby and I sat right up front on the stage steps and even though she nodded off, I could tell she liked the music.

Finally, off to grab some fried rice and then to the Discovery Green park so she could play on the playground with the millions of other kids there, I could engage in some leisure reading, and we could listen to the Houston Grand Opera chorus do some live singing. Although the baby cried when I made us leave almost 3 hours later (!) I bought us both ice cream on the way home which seemed to be a decent peace offering.

Today she and S are off doing their thing and I am spending the day doing my thing. I figure since I had her yesterday he can have her today and then he can go drop her off and I also benefit by not having to go on that unpleasant chore. S and I have our next counseling session on Tues.

Job #1 note: Our Library Director died this past week. This is the Library director that made my life hell for awhile. Nobody even knows what she died of; it has all been very hush-hush since she went on extended medical leave last August. We have a staff meeting coming up on Tues. to address our concerns about this and also about everyone being nervous due to the economy.

The Good Thing About Being Depressed

After being completely down in the dumps for so long, after awhile nothing can bother you anymore.

Example: I was in the drive-thru of the McDonald's on Friday b/c the KFC next door said it would be 22 minutes for a pot pie and I wasn't about to wait that long. I was driving the Ford Crown Vic since S had to go pick up the baby (whoever has the longest commute on any given day takes the PT cruiser). I can't even believe it myself but I just barely scraped the car in front of me while scooting up in line. I am just not used to how long the front of the Ford is. We got out and looked and I really barely scraped his bumper, but there sure was a mark left there. I didn't crunch in his bumper or anything, literally just left a paint chip, prob. about 1-inch square. The real problem is, it was a BMW SUV. The Ford was perfectly fine. So I gave him my insurance info., but then called him right after that and asked if couldn't we settle this between ourselves since the bumper damage is so minimal. He agreed and said he'd get an estimate and would contact me after that. But even though I really don't need this additional aggravation right now, I am honestly finding it hard to get upset about this. I just have no more capacity to be depressed about 1 MORE THING right now. I don't know how much his bumper repair will cost; Mudflap's guess was maybe $300 when I described it to him. I'm bracing myself to possibly hear as high as $500. I'll just have to get the cash from reducing this month's credit card payments, but I am not going to worry about it until I hear back from BMW guy.

I got plenty of sleep on Friday night but did not get enough sleep yesterday or last night. We patrolled on the special task force on Sat. night from 7p-3a, so I did not get to sleep until probably almost 5am on Sunday morning. Then I woke up around 10:30 b/c the baby was yelling from the bathtub and S had left to get a haircut, so I just woke up and dealt with her and then made eggs for us all. Later we went to the park, and after that we went to the movies. They saw Inkheart and G. met us at the theater and she and I saw Slumdog Millionaire. After that we dropped the baby off and S and I went to eat at La Mad. where my pasta was waaay too salty. We ended the evening by going home and watching Lakeview Terrace which was even cheesier than my pasta. S and I got along for the most part all weekend, though he was in a bad way due to his lower back killing him. I had no idea I married such a sickly man, but he really is, from his back pain to his stomach woes to his panic attacks.

At least I think that after having worked that special project on Sat. night, I should do better once my transfer takes effect. That is b/c that area of town is one that I am definitely more familiar with. I just cannot seem to get a handle on the part of town that I currently am assigned to. It is East Houston and I literally NEVER go over there for any reason, and it is just taking me forever to get acclimated to direction and the major streets, etc. even though I've already been out there almost 3 years. By contrast we were all over North Houston on Sat. night and I totally knew where I was most of the time, or at least which direction I was facing. Important for cops to know, yes???