#3: RIP A.M.

More sad to be had. I found out today that someone else I know has died. That makes #3 and I was wondering if I'd hear about a third. This was an ex-fellow-children's librarian from my public library days, A.M. She was so sweet. She was kind of a "head" children's librarian who oversaw several branch children's librarians. She was funny, soft spoken, warm, gentle. We once lost a children's librarian, K.K., to suicide and A.M. and she were close. In fact, the night before the suicide K.K. sought refuge at A.M.'s house, which I remember thinking was about the best place I could think of to seek refuge, if necessary, due to A.M.'s loving, gentle nature. The next day K.K. went back to work, excused herself, went out to her car and shot herself in the chest, heartbroken over a serious (lesbian) relationship gone wrong. But at least A.M. had been there for her at the very end. Well now A.M. is gone too but it sounds like she was enjoying life up in Colorado Springs these past few years.

God! My heart is heavy these days! Good thing I am not depressed anymore or all this sadness and emotion might've very well pushed me over the edge--who knows? S brought home the heart-shaped cheesecake last night but I put it in the fridge, to be savored tonight and tomorrow. However, I was curious and decided to weigh myself last night too and the news is not good! I am now determined to lose 10 lbs. I am not amused at the customizable Slim-Fast website that says I do not need to lose any weight and in fact could even gain some if I wanted. Sure, if I want to buy all new pants!!! I have been creeping up in weight over the past few months and now I am determined to stop it. My jeans today feel tight. I may not be overweight per se but I must do what I can NOW to prevent middle-age spread and besides, there are lumpy parts that need addressing, toot suite with swimsuit season approaching!!!

My plan is simple. Since the thing that works best with me is starvation, I think the Slim-Fast approach is going to be the best one. I have no time or patience for calorie counting or portion measuring or cooking a bunch of healthy food at home. So I'm simply going to have Slim-Fast for lunch, Monday-Friday. Additionally I am going to attempt walking at lunchtime, perhaps over to the zoo/park area. Today I had Slim-Fast for lunch and 4 hours later, my stomach is growling--good! I'll eat a few Goldfish in the car on the way to Job #2 and then I'll enjoy dinner, knowing I've earned it. Tomorrow: the gym! Sunday: running with S!