Beaten, Battered, Bruised

...but in a good way! Ha ha! I guess.

I have not been in this much pain since the academy. It hurts my entire body just to clear my damn throat. I am using all kinds of herky-jerky motions and spewing all kinds of cuss words to do things like get in and out of the car and sit down on anything. I am taking the maximum amount of ibuprofen approved by medical science and would sell my sister (if I had one) for a Vicodin. So yeah, my 2-day "Groundfighting for Female Officers" class was a rousing success. We had tea and scones, then we braided each other's hair and sang songs. Yesterday morning I couldn't believe that I was actually going back for more, and I couldn't imagine how I was going to! It's truly amazing what you can do when you realize you have no choice. (I mean, sure I had the choice to call in sick and hurt and not go, but women cops don't pull that pussy shit and as I reminded myself, I'm a woman cop, even if just a part-time one!) Mr. Alvis, Miss Siggy, and Deputy Anthony were the ones that taught us the class. Ok, I'm impressed and so should you be!!!

Poor S and I were quite the sight yesterday. He has a big ol' knot in his back from having to do this positively sadistic exercise his academy director is making them do: piggyback and carry each other a required distance. Since S is one of the biggest guys in the class, and at 6'3" I think he's even the tallest, he had to carry the huge 300-lb guy. So with my sore, aching muscles and mat-burned knees and elbows, we were both limping around pitifully last night. I could only work one hour at Job #2 last night b/c on top of the pain, I was so exhausted I just wanted to sleep forever! I also can't believe I am eagerly awaiting the Intermediate groundfighting class and even the Advanced class, whenever those will be. I must be nuts for wanting to sign up for those too! Seriously, I think there's something wrong with me.

In other news, S had to sew these little stars onto his cadet uniform last night. Why? Because he got a 99 on their test this week and so is one of the few cadets on the class honor roll, yay! I'm impressed and so should you be!

Finally, here's something interesting to read.

Sigh...

I'm just bummed out. First, my grandfather falls out of bed last night and is found lying in a pool of blood, after which he's rushed to the hospital to get 12 stitches in his head. He'll be there for at least a day or 2 for observation and he hates hospitals.

Second, I had the great displeasure of laying eyes on the nasty, diseased whore and the lying old bag this morning in court b/c we were "supposed" to have a pre-trial conference; no big surprise that it didn't happen but we have rescheduled it for Feb. 15 with trial date to start on March 31. The amicus said he will not allow any more delays b/c he said he wants "completion" for the baby and also said (this is very hopeful) he wants her in a stable environment. Hmm, think he's on our side and believes we should get custody??? Of course he is, I've known that for months and months now!!!

Thirdly, we had a fun time last night at the sports bar for the wrestling PPV but today I'm just tired and want nothing more than to go home and relax, but I've got my monthly sheriff's meeting tonight where they are going to demand my annual $36 dues and I forgot to put that in the budget. Blimey.

But at least we had a couple of good runs this past weekend, so I'm as physically prepared as I'm ever gonna be for my groundfighting class tomorrow, and Saturday night date night was fun as S and I saw 2 movies back to back: Cloverfield and There Will Be Blood.

Lost

This is our latest most-watched show, although I don't like it as much as Heroes but we don't have access to Heroes Season 2 yet--no one does. The bad thing about DVD'ing all these TV series is we are 2 years behind everyone else. The good thing is, NO COMMERCIALS!!!

Not that we have a lot of spare time to be watching all this shit right now anyway. I have been working 12-hour days to bring home the bacon and S is studying his ass off. We figured out a good plan for Thursdays however, since that's my day to work at Job #1 from 9a-6p. S drives himself to school on Thursdays and I get to sleep late. I slept 9 1/2 hours last night!

I'm giving myself a treat next week, though. Tuesday-Wednesday I am going to be up at the sheriff's academy taking a 2-day class called "Groundfighting for Female Officers"! Does that sound like fun or what! Check out the description:

"The purpose of this course is to provide students with techniques to defend attempted takedowns and ground defense techniques if taken down. The course consists of weapon retention defense techniques while standing and on the ground. This is an extremely labor intensive course that requires students to be in excellent physical condition. Students will be required to participate in an intense stretching and warm-up session prior to instruction each day.
Students will be provided with head and face protection, striking mits, grappling gloves and shin protectors."

And it's a full class too, 24 of us chick cops. I can't believe I get to do things like this for free! (Of course, people can't believe I work as the police for free either, so there you go.) Not sure I count myself as being in "excellent physical condition" but I guess I'll just have to fake it!

Not Bad For a Boy

S had his 2nd academy test yesterday, which I helped him study for, of course. He got 100! But he played a mean trick on me and first told me he failed, at which point I began grilling him on the questions, and which ones he didn't know, and blah blah blah until he laughed gleefully and told me the truth! And he was also the only one in his class to score 100. His classmates were PO'd and demanded to know who was the only one to get 100, but S kept his head down. Ultimately the classmates figured it out, then began hating on him. Haters! What is it with this country? Why does United States culture so penalize the intelligent?! "America, you are great, but you are boring."...and I'll add, overfed and underread, spoiled, and disrespectful! Anyway, I am quite proud of S and suggested that he may make valedictorian yet. He still needs to work on his pull-ups, though, as he can only do 5. Man, if they had scored us on pull-ups in my academy, I would've failed big-time. Throughout the entire year, I managed to achieve doing all of 1 pull-up. The rest of the time someone had to hold my legs and assist me.

Last Sunday patrol with Mudflap found us back at the Mexican Flea Market after an absence of over a month. Activity has really picked up since we'd been gone, the turds. I was handing out tickets like they were candy! We didn't even have time to go get dinner b/c traffic violations--specifically, my favorite traffic violation, those stupid blue/green/red undercarriage lights--were everywhere! I wrote 15 tickets b/c those idiots never have driver's licenses or insurance either. Mudflap begged me to have mercy on 2 people: the girl who said she was broke and was driving her boyfriend's dad's car with the stupid lights, and the recent ex-con who just got out of the joint and that was why he had no DL. Ummmmm... I don't think so!!! I reminded Mudflap that I was broke too but I still had to pay for DL renewal and insurance for me and S!!! And as far as the ex-con went, I ran him to see his record and when I saw all kinds of convictions for theft, warrants, burglary, etc. etc., I told Mudflap I was going to force this turd to go get his license so we can know where he is from now on!!! Mudflap admitted being a bleeding heart liberal. I accused him of wanting to vote for Hillary Clinton and said if he thought I was such a Nazi then maybe we shouldn't ride together anymore. It got ugly there for a little while!

Monday S had to go to school for a little while, so me and the baby hung out together. We had to have kind of an intense conversation though about the current state of things. I had to clue her in on a little bit of what's going on with the custody situation. I kept things a little nebulous, only telling her that the whore says a bunch of lies about me and S (the whore's actions have forced me to do this--any hard truths I tell the baby pale in comparison to the horrible head-games the whore is playing with her. I haven't even posted in this blog about the despicable, appalling false report that was made to CPS about me and S that we had to deal with last month and I won't b/c it deserves no more mention than merely this) and that it's important that the baby not lie to anyone and also that she needs to see both the whore and us on a regular basis b/c we all love her. I was worried about having such a heavy talk with her, but dammit, when I was 5 I had to learn some hard truths so if I had to handle them then she is going to have to handle some of this stuff too. However, the talk seemed to have bonded us even more. She kept wanting to sit next to me at lunch at "the Wok" where we met S and I made sure to hug her and hold her a lot more that day.

Chris Smither Loves Me

Oops, I'm late recapping the Thursday night concert. Yes, Chris Smither still loves me. He may not be as enamored of L., however. She was already drunk when we got to the show (surprise, surprise) and called him "Chris Smithers." She had him sign her arm and he did! I gave him a hug before the show and after the show, told him that I'd been seeing him in concert for at least 17 years, since I was in high school! He told me that I get more beautiful every year, heh heh. So the show was great, even though he concentrates on his newer material and doesn't do many of my old favorites. However, he did this breathtaking song called "Father's Day" that he wrote for his dad who died a couple of months ago and it's my new favorite song.

Fun weekend with the baby, although there were a couple of snags. When we picked up her up I saw the whore apparently gave birth to her devil spawn, for there seemed to be a big old baby carseat in the whore's car. We asked the baby if "her other mom" had had her baby, and the baby didn't want to answer. I repeated the question and the baby replied softly, "Are you gonna take the baby away?" S and I were absolutely horrified and disgusted that the whore would tell the baby such a disturbing, outrageous thing, but admittedly not surprised. That is yet ANOTHER reason we are going to get full custody b/c the whore is very obviously nothing but detrimental to the baby. Then S saw that the baby now has pierced ears--again. I say again b/c the baby had pierced ears a long time ago but due to neglect, they closed up. (Fucking filthy whore, making it necessary for the baby to have to get pierced twice!!!) S did not like it the first time and he was mad about this 2nd time, but I was glad. I had planned to get the baby's ears pierced again once we got custody anyway, but now I don't have to pay for it.

We took the baby to her first live theater ever, courtesy of those free tickets I got from the nice guy that saw me play a gig with Jimmy. It was a children's theater show at the tiny theater company that is located literally behind our house. The baby enjoyed it and so did we! But man, did she sleep a lot this weekend. She slept all Friday evening-Saturday morning. Then she slept Saturday evening-Sunday morning, even missing all the activity when we went to L.'s house on Saturday night to watch the boxing match! Sunday night was more of the same but I'll have to report on it later as I'm at Job #2 right now and need to finish up.

Not Bad For a Girl

That's what S said last night when challenging me to do some push-ups and sit-ups. I even did the push-ups Navy Seal style, or on one toe. Ok, so I only did 10 but I did them absolutely correctly and S says that's more than some of his fellow cadets can do! Well sure, my first time doing push-ups in the academy I think I only did 1 1/2! Push-ups are great though, your arms get defined in no time at all. (Tito J., are you workin' it?)

Yesterday was my grandfather "Popo"'s 92nd birthday!!! This is us on his porch a few years ago. Cute, aren't we? I hunted high and low for a pineapple side down cake for him last weekend and I finally found one after visiting several places. I wasn't about to give up on the search b/c it's his favorite cake and for me, nothing less would do for someone who has seen 92 years. He says he doesn't want to see 100 though and I can't blame him. My mom gets her unflappable work ethic from him and I get mine from her. He grew up extremely poor in a large family down in South Texas. Once when he was a young boy a horse kicked him in the head and he was in a coma for several months! He served this country in WWII but never actually saw combat, thank God. I have his dog tags. He always wanted to play the violin but could never afford it so when I picked up the viola he was overjoyed, and eventually ended up paying for my professional-level viola since we certainly didn't have the money! He and my grandmother Julia, God rest her soul, raised 4 kids in a teeny tiny house that was so small my grandfather had to sleep in the kitchen. Later he paid cash for a slightly bigger house where he still lives today. Although we don't know each other as well as I'd like due to a language barrier--his English is about as good as my Spanish--I consider us to be very close and he is, in fact, my hero. My father says that my Popo is one of the smartest men he's ever met in his life, and that is saying a huge hell of a lot. Rock on, Popo!

Speaking of rocking on, tonight is my date with L., her man, and Chris Smither. This should be quite good for my soul! Review tomorrow.

S: Super Cadet

So I guess I must be used to this rough new sleeping/waking/commuting/working schedule, or it might just be that I'm a little fascinated by watching myself go through it, not unlike when I had that horrible plasma-selling experience last year. Now we are leaving the house at the painful hour of 7am since S was 90 seconds late last Friday due to the most bullshit traffic I've seen in a long time and the whole class had to do pushups because of him. I tried to reassure him that there will be plenty more pushups to be done thanks to the future transgressions of his other classmates, but he was not to be consoled. Anyway! They had their first test yesterday and S made a (drum roll, rim shot, kazoo blast) 95, yayyyy!!! I helped him study all weekend and I was not worried about him, he sure seemed to know the stuff and it was fun for me to review it. He says there were about 8 of his classmates that failed the test and that horrified me b/c this particular test covered some of the easiest subjects of all. I told him those classmates of his are in serious trouble and I don't even want to think about what will happen when they take the test on the highly detailed Texas Penal Code, should they even survive the academy that long. That particular test kicked my class's ass and I was only one of 3 that did not fail it!

Also, according to S they ran 5 miles yesterday. I said that I would have literally died and I hated guys like him that could do push-ups and run effortlessly. Thank God and Stevie Wonder in my academy we only had to do our paltry little mile, mile and a half. Sometimes the only thing that kept me from blubbering my pitiful little sissy girl tears at PT time was knowing that I blew those big muscle guys out of the water academically and on the gun range!

But apparently, I need to be a more aggressive po-lice driver. This past weekend I went out on Saturday patrol with my Sgt. and he actually let me drive for the first time, ever. But he said that I need to drive with more authority in order to show the public that I am a presence, or something of that nature. I said that I hated to drive fast and he gave me, in S's words, a "jacked-up expression." Well, I do hate to drive fast! It wastes gas! So somehow I am going to have to turn off my ingrained civilian driving habits on those 2 days/month if/when I actually get to get behind the wheel of a police car.

This past Sunday was glorious and more days should be like it. We slept in, then went to eat at La Mad. We went home and lazily watched more Heroes. We studied, I made a delicious parmesan-crusted chicken dinner (I actually had to do an encore last night at S's request!), we lounged around the house. We were supposed to go to a toity reception at a luxury downtown hotel in the afternoon for my retiring ex-college conductor, but I absolutely couldn't peel myself off the couch and put on any fancy clothes. I regret that I missed seeing him, but these days I can only do so much and I firmly believe that one aspect of good mental health is knowing your limitations and accepting them.

Heroes

This is apparently our new favorite show b/c we are getting all the discs at home via Blockbuster and cannot stop watching them. Now I know what my sometime-partner meant a long time ago when we arrested this guy for drugs after finding his passed-out girlfriend in his car. The guy wanted to know how we knew he had drugs on him and my partner told him that we had special powers like the characters on Heroes. He told him that I could read minds and that he himself had X-ray vision! Ha ha! It's so much fun to mess with knuckleheads that you've just arrested.

Of course, S and I are watching these discs well before we fall asleep at around 1opm now (or as we cops like to say, 2200 hours); actually, S fell asleep even before 2200 last night. This is of course due to the fact that he started school on Monday and we are having to leave the house at the nasty ass hour of 7:15 am in order to have him downtown a few minutes before class starts at 8am. On Monday we left at 7:25am and I got him there at 7:59 am and he did not like that one bit! He likes to be places early, I like to be there Right On Time. But b/c this is love and marriage and you have to sacrifice and compromise for your spouse, I am now waking up at 6:15 am, IN THE DARK, in order to appease him. Fortunately, it's only Wednesday and my body cells appears to be too freaked out to protest much yet. I'm expecting this rude new schedule to hit me hard in a day or 2.

But S is having fun, and so I'm happy. His main instructor is, in S's words, "a badass bitch." When S told me he is a former Texas Ranger, that was all I needed to hear in order to be impressed as hell!!! No one gets to be a Texas Ranger. I don't even think I've ever met one! And yes, I looked into being one myself but you have to have like 10 years in law enforcement experience and they get about 200 applicants for each handful of openings!!! Lord have mercy, what a pipe dream though. But back to S: he is in a class of about 32 people and he says there's a lot of ex-military in there and also that all the girls are chubby. Of course, they will not graduate all 32 folks. I have already dug out all my old class notes and tests and stuff and with my help and his natural smarts, he should have no problems with any of his weekly tests. Maybe he won't graduate valedictorian like I DID, but he'll do fine!

I saw the Dr. yesterday and he decided not to cut; thank God! I would also like to avoid surgery if at all possible. He did however inject the offending growth/cyst thing, which is actually just a mass of inflamed tissue located above my eye below the eyebrow near the bridge of the nose, with a steroid and I am not gonna lie, it hurt like a son of a bitch! Not really the needle, but the poison going in which he had to inject for about 5 seconds. I wimped out and yelped "Ow! Ow!" He also gave me a prescrip for an antibiotic but I hate taking antibiotics and have not yet filled the prescrip. I'm waiting to see if the inflammation goes down first and today that does seem to be the case.

I suppose that's all the news that's fit to print. In my spare time I am trying to work as many hours as I can at Job #2 and will be there 4 days this week. 10pm comes too quickly now.

Freezing!!! But Excited

It is so #(@$*%#@_)@#)%$&*ing cold in here I had to sit on my hands earlier and also I had to search my coworkers' offices in the back high and low for a spare sweater or jacket or anything and I found one and I took it and I don't care!!!!!!!!!! I love Houston's heat and warm weather (74 degrees today) but detest and resent idiots who live here and have the nerve to complain about the heat, then consequently turn up the air conditioner to totally unreasonable temperatures thereby freezing out those of us who are complete innocent bystanders. That's gotta be worth some bad, environmental, Mother Earth karma for those jerks, right? If you can't stand the heat, go back to Massachusetts! Of course, S swears the cold is better for my allergies, and maybe so in some situations, but that's what Puffs Plus and Zyrtec (now OTC!) is for. I'm more miserable being cold and am more often cold--living in Houston, ironically!--than any other consistent misery I must bear! Why oh why, did I decide to work in libraries, where the a/c blows 24/7 at such unmerciful, cruel levels?!? And yes, I'm wearing a heavy black sweater today plus jeans and cowboy boots! But I didn't think I would need fucking gloves at the reference desk!!!

S thinks I need to find a "Rage-aholics" meeting. We were watching that Seinfeld last night! Man, that is funny stuff. Today I met him and the baby for lunch at the Wok, our fave local Chinese restaurant. How come he claims he brushes her hair yet it looks like hell, and I do a better job combing her hair with my fingers??? Of course, this is the man that also once let her eat chocolate pudding for breakfast. S is such a wonderful father in terms of love, discipline, affection, doting and all that good stuff but he just does not pay attention when it comes to details like her clothing matching and nutrition! Thank God those two found me. (Yes God, I know, thank you for bringing those two to me, too!!!)

Anyway, I'm excited b/c one of my all-time fave musicians, the great Chris Smither is coming to town in a couple of weeks and I actually have some spare $ left over from last week and am going to get tickets today after work! L. and her man are coming with me, too! I have seen him in concert many times over the years since my father first introduced me to his work when I was a teenager. The last time was just last year and L. came with me for her first time and she loved him, too! Smither told me that night that I reminded him of his wife. She must also be a hot, spicy, gorgeous thing, heh heh. I just hate that he won't do any of my requests b/c he says he doesn't do those songs anymore. What a ripoff! He's lucky I adore him endlessly! His song "Rosalie" just kills me... "She had me down, and I was singin' in a minor key!"

Here's a funny story with pic's for the record. This happened last month. Mudflap and I were on routine patrol when we decided to drop in on his friend's wife's birthday party. As a practical joke, I marched alone to the backyard where the party was going on, in my best sawed-off bitch mode and with the most pissed-off expression I could muster, and demanded to see the homeowners! I'd only met the friend once before and I hoped he didn't remember me. I started to give them a bunch of shit before they realized who I was and I gave it away anyway by losing my composure and smirking. It was a good trick, though! Then Mudflap and I took turns "arresting" partygoers and "roughing" them up for the camera!

I Heart Plastic Surgery

It seems like it may be time for me to visit the plastic surgeon again. I made an appointment for Tuesday morning. I hate to do it, but I can't live like this anymore. No, I'm not getting the breast implants that S wants me to get! Although the last time I had to go see the plastic surgeon, about 8 years ago, I was amused lying there on the table, reading the daily surgery schedule that was posted on the wall: breast aug, breast aug, breast aug, me, breast aug, etc. The other day the baby said she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. If it indeed happens, I'm pushing her towards the lucrative practice of plastic surgery!!!

We are ready for Monday and S's first day of school. I think Mudflap and I are even more excited than he is! S got all his documents in order and his medical/psych exams in, and I gave him the $300 for his first day's down payment on the tuition. We know which route we'll take to get downtown. Today I told him to go buy some good running shoes b/c I want his feet to be as healthy as possible. I still remember with great misery the tendinitis of the feet that I suffered for an entire month when I was in the academy. However, that was really just b/c I started running 6 days a week when I had never, ever run before in my entire life! I remember sitting on the grass, crying, while my classmates went off on their run without me. I felt like such a failure! Of course, later on I became the running goddess, even doing a 10-minute mile a few times, heh heh...

Tomorrow I'm back here at Job #1 for a rare Saturday at work. S and the baby will go see the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie that I have zero interest in seeing! It just looks like they've ruined the classic Chipmunks that I loved from my childhood.

Resolutions, anyone?

I think that explains my attitude towards making any New Year's Resolutions this year [click it to enlarge]. There's another Lucy strip somewhere where she is actually discussing NY's Resolutions with Charlie Brown and she takes offense at the suggestion, saying she's already perfect or something like that. I honestly don't have the energy to think about making any resolutions this year. I am Too. Wiped. Out.

Beau coup activity in the past week, most of it family-related. I try to recall and all I see is my life flashing before my eyes. Went to see National Treasure 2 ("Bullshit!" was my frequent comment throughout); hung out at L.'s house; thoroughly enjoyed the Butterfly exhibit and The Alps IMAX at the science museum, free of charge!; did a lot of face-painting at home; threw down at baby Mardi-Gras at the Chirren's Museum on NY's Eve (I carried the baby through the mad crowd and we danced to the Soul Rebels from New Orleans); brought in the New Year amongst much food, drink, fur, and fun at Auntie R.'s house; tried to entertain the baby when she came to work with me on 2 days; and last night we had to drop her off, then go to Mudflap's house to watch wrestling. See?! I'm maxed out, man. But yes, in a good way.

Today was S's last day at his shitty job. I have given him the gift of a 3-day weekend so that he is a little rested for his big school day on Monday. We will commute together so I'm having to sacrifice big-time myself in order to get our asses downtown in order to drop S off at school by 8am, sharp. Shit, that means in bed by 10pm in order to be up by 6:30am--b/c I do need my 8ish hours of sleep which is probably the only thing keeping me sane sometimes--for the next FIVE months. Owwww. I still need to plan the best for us to get downtown. There's really only 2 ways from our southwest location.

Anti-aging note: I pulled 5 gray hairs from my head the other day. I don't want them!!! Someone who doesn't even have any crow's feet does not need to be having any gray hairs!