Today I'm Feeling Pretty Good!

Or as Larry David would say, "Pretty, pretty, pretty good!"

S and I had a nice dinner last night at our favorite "the Wok." We talked about strategies for getting along better--actually, I should point out that I told him the strategies I was willing to undertake for him and for our marriage and I asked nothing from him in return. We talked about the future, we talked about our commitment to make our marriage a success, and we ended the dinner with a kiss--the first kiss in a week and a half. I know he completely appreciates the efforts that I am making and I also know that he too will reciprocate b/c he is just that kind of person and that is one reason I married him. And we finally slept in the same bed again, which we had both really missed doing and it was all very good and happy times!

It helped that I saw a counselor on my own yesterday for the first time and she also gave me some helpful strategies for marriage success. Mudflap and I had talked a long time about this on Wed. night and the big lesson I came away with was yes, that I am totally willing to try all kinds of new things b/c obviously what I've been doing is not working. After all, one definition of insanity is to keep doing the same things and expecting different results.

I have decided to make big changes in my life and my attitudes. I am going to stop being such a control freak and trying to get my way in everything. I am going to stop being so impatient to keep getting to the next goal, to climb the next mountain as fast as I can, to fix this problem, fix that problem now! I am going to try relaxing and letting go and not caring about bullshit that won't matter 5 years from now anyway. My new motto is, "So what?" As in, so what if the baby eats too much sugar one day, so what if S gets home from work late, so what if the credit card debt gets paid off in 2 years instead of a year and a half--SO WHAT? These are huge changes in my thinking but I'm totally ready to embrace them b/c fortunately, I have always been one to embrace change anyway. I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted off me and that everything is still going to be just fine. I feel a lot freer today. I'm not even scared at all.

What's fun is today I'm being bad and wearing my Xmas present b/c I just couldn't wait until next week! And S and I have decided to get a new tv to replace our big secondhand projection tv that died a few weeks ago, so that'll be fun. Finally, today S said he needed to take a mental health day off from work since he's worked almost 2 weeks every day in a row and I am totally fine with him doing that. I am not going to obsess over making as much money as is humanly possible anymore. We make enough money to cover food, shelter, clothing, our vehicles, and to have a little fun and that is all anyone needs anyway! I'm even going to miss an evening at Job #2 next week so I can see my counselor again and so what? It's totally fine!

One of my favorite songs of my entire life since I was 14 years old has been Curtis Mayfield's "It's All Right" and I feel so ashamed that I have completely forgotten to live by its words.

Say it's all right (it's all right)
Say it's all right (it's all right)
It's all right, have a good time
'Cause it's all right, whoa, it's all right

Now listen to the beat
Kinda pat your feet
You got soul, and everybody knows
That it's all right, whoa, it's all right

When you wake up early in the morning
Feelin' sad like so many of us do
Hum a little soul
Make life your goal
And surely something's got to come to you
And say it's all right (it's all right)
Say it's all right (it's all right)

It's all right, have a good time
'Cause it's all right, whoa, it's all right
Now everybody clap your hands
Give yourself a chance
You got soul, and everybody knows
That it's all right, whoa, it's all right