Crying=Getting Out the Toxins!

That's what my therapist says. It does feel good to cry and Lord knows I've been doing it pretty much every day. I'm reading lots of addiction/recovery books and something has crossed over in me where I feel so much empathy for these fucked up sick people for the 1st time in my life ever and frequently their stories make me burst out in tears. I guess b/c I have finally realized I'm a sick addict myself.

Anyway, this week has gone ok. Stayed home Mon. nite which I am still getting used to--staying home and enjoying my home/cat/household duties and projects/solitude--well I am not so much enjoying the solitude b/c I'm still not 100% used to it--but I do know it's good for me to rest at home and it's been fun to watch Scotty Star play and get hyper and I am now letting her out on the patio under my watchful eye. So far the fence is too high for her to jump over and as long as she stays off the tree she should be ok. She is getting bigger though! Her tail seems longer to me, her little face is growing into her ears, and she weighs more, I can tell!

Tues. was strange b/c both my most recent ex's had gigs that night and my open-mic w/JFu was cancelled b/c she got sick over the weekend. I took advantage of the evening and practiced, but then realized I wanted to get out and play so I went to the Tuesday night jam, which I haven't been to since last year. A SLAA girlfriend even met me there and I was so tickled she came out to support me!!! It was a slow night for jammers so I played and sang 4 and then played on 3 others! Then I went home, happy I got it all out of my system.

Weds. night I was actually happy to rest at home, though I had to work on my sheriff Personnel file which took over 2 damn hours. Glad I got the bulk of that work done though.

Last nite I went to the SLAA meeting and met w/my sponsor afterwards and I am excited to say I have finally (after a month of hard work) finished Step 1. I can collect my Step 1 chip on Sat at the morning meeting! I cannot wait to tackle Step 2, which I hear is a LOT easier than Step 1. I got no problem with my higher power, and have nicknamed him "Jesus" pronounced like the Spanish version (Hey-seuss). I pray to him all the time these days, believe me. Then I went home to chill and watch my DVR'd Project Runway but Rozzy called me and invited me to dinner and I took him up on the offer, especially when he offered to come to Outback Steakhouse by my house. We had a great steak and shrimp dinner and I had 2 Crown and Diet cokes and he treated, which was so nice of him. I got home, full and happy and just in time to get into bed.

In fact, I am soooo excited b/c he says we should start a blues trio, him on guitar and me on bass!!! I. Would. LOVE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We'll be getting together this Sun so I can show him the songs I already sing. I am also rehearsing w/JFu earlier that day and I am excited about a day of musical fellowship. I need it, boy.

Today I rode my bike to work all by myself and I was a tad nervous about it, but I was determined to just do it carefully, take my time, and be as safe as possible. I had a mishap where I jumped a curb and the chain slipped off but I just remained calm, prayed my ass off, and somehow managed to figure out how to get it back on and continue my ride. I prayed "Thank you Jesus" over and over again and now realize there will be no more curb-jumping for me!

Tonight there is really nothing going on that is exciting me too much, so the plan is to ride home, shower when I get home as I'll be DRIPPING sweat in this 102 degree heat, have a banana split for dinner and my leftover steak from last night, and go shoe shopping as I need some cool, open-toe elegant sandals for work. Home to Scotty Star and will catch up on DVR watching and reading and rest. SLAA meeting 1st thing in the morning, as is my Saturday morning habit now.