Weary

I'm just weary. I lost my beloved grandfather Popo this week. He died at around 11:37pm on Sunday night. Fortunately I managed to get it together enough to be there. I also took my brother and pater familias with me. It was an incredible thing, for him to take his last breaths with all of us--my mom, 2 aunts, 4 out of 5 cousins--there, holding his hand, hugging him, kissing him.

So it's been a numbing, sorrowful week for all of us. We had the wake on Tues. night. The funeral was Weds. I finally went out on Weds. night to rehearsal and then the boys joined me at Big Easy for drinks and toasting to Popo. We had SO much fun, and Phillipo met us there and brought me flowers--so fucking sweet. I stayed the night w/Jon. I have taken all week off from Job #1. I've just been too overwhelmed b/c I have had to take care of Ma and do some logistical things for her, now that she's alone at Popo's house. I also spent the night with her there on Mon. and Tues. nights.

I'm having a hard time caring about much these days. People ask me questions: what do you want to eat? Are you going back to work? Do you want to do ___? And I just DON'T. CARE. Last night was absolutely awful. My aunt ambushed my mom at Popo's house to begin taking things out of the house before we could even finish mourning or being in shock or how about DISCUSSING things like rational adults. I had to race down to Pasadena and meet my cousins there and they were all just shell shocked b/c no one could talk any sense into my insane batshit crazy aunt. And I just didn't care. I refuse to fight w/anyone. I don't care about STUFF. My aunt was forcing my uncle and cousin to dismantle furniture and haul it outside to put into their trucks and SUV's. Then my uncle began having chest pains and they had to take him to the hospital. Consequently we had to skip starting the rosary last night as planned and now my uncle is in the hospital and will have open heart surgery on Monday. Good job, Aunt T. Popo must be looking down at this and feel real proud. Real fuckin' nice!!!

Mr. Wonderful Stefano came over last night when I got back and spent the night with me. He's so amazing and wonderful. And Jon has also been such a great friend through all of this, and I get to spend time w/him when Stefano isn't available.

Killer amazing jam packed weekend coming up. Stefano and my li'l bro will begin tomorrow w/breakfast at the Breakfast Klub. Then we'll go to the Lightnin' Hopkins memorial dedication, which will be amazing. Jon's band is playing. Tomorrow evening we've got a documentary screening at the park which will also be awesome! Tomorrow night we end at Anderson Fair for Kelly Jo Phelps, who I've never seen!!! Sunday I'll go to the gun show w/L. as she is in the market for some home protection. Then all day we'll be at Blues for Food. Jon's band is playing. So I got plenty to take my mind of things this weekend.

Back to work and reality next Monday. Hope to finally start caring about things again, maybe.