Hang Me in Rags

Rough days are here, that is fo' sho'. I had to take today off from Job #1 since I am not sleeping well and need to care gently for myself these days. Also "S" as I am now referring to him including throughout this blog (I don't abide by revisionist history but he never was a "DH" in the sense of either word so that term where it has always referred to him is GONE now from my entire blog) cannot be trusted to abide by my wishes where the property in MY house that *I* paid for is concerned so I felt the need to stick around today to keep an eye on things. I have now given him notice that he is not to come around and he is banned from MY property until he agrees to see eye to eye with me--and I am being VERY fair. Trust me.

I was telling Mudflap today that I got very little out of this sham marriage. Oh, S got a whole bunch! He got a house; 2 cars; a motorcycle; a $30,000 custody battle paid for; being put through the UH academy; admission to the Reserves; all kinds of cell phones (I'm still using the same one from over 2 yrs ago though!); the XBOX he wanted; the PSP he wanted; the PS2 he wanted; the GPS he wanted; more clothes than even I own; countless trips to GameStop; his child taken care of by me or my friends and family probably about 75% of the time we had her (I do NOT think I'm exaggerating); the flat screen TV he wanted; expensive wrestling pay per views; MY credit cards; his errands run for him; his grocery shopping done; good God man, I can't even bear to list anymore...

Yet he couldn't be bothered to come to my family reunion; other family events on my side; my favorite events like music concerts, festivals, cultural events/places; see the movies I wanted to see; watch the tv shows I wanted to watch; any errands I asked him to run for me were met with resentment; never invited me to come hang out with his friends or come to their houses; refused to come hang out with my friends or come to their houses; unfairly put so many things first before me such as his child, his mother, his job, and himself, whereas I ALWAYS put HIM before everything and everyone in MY life. I can't go on--I'm getting sick to my fucking stomach.

The good thing is that I have finally and truly identified the pattern in my life. Who else does the above sound like (except for the having a child part)? MARVIN. My college boyfriends. LSK. You name the fucker I've had a serious relationship with and it always goes like this. Holy shit, this is a MAJOR revelation for me! And I'm so fucking relieved to have made it! Because... NO MORE. Nuh-uh. Ain't happening again. Like HELL. Anyone else that is going to attempt to be brave and man enough to come across my path in the future better be prepared to kiss my ass and my feet (which is actually how S treated me in the very beginning, to his great resentment later) and I am not putting up with any more crap like baby mama's and disturbing family drama. And I am not shelling out a single dime on anyone's behalf, ever. The pattern ends NOW.

"Oh, Adela!" some may say, "You ain't never gonna find someone perfect like that! You should consider lowering your standards and lightening up a little!" To which I answer: FUCK THAT. "If love is a red dress, then hang me in rags. If love is aces, then give me the jack. If love is shelter, I'm gonna walk in the rain!"