All Good Things Must End

When I was 16-17 years old Sunday was my most hated day. It meant I had to leave Pasadena and my mom and brother and our safe home to go back to Houston to a dark, sad little apartment shared with my crackhead father so I could attend my performing arts high school during the week. God, just recalling those depressing feelings and dread I felt back then is bringing me down. Today Sundays no longer depress me as bad as they did back then but today it feels a little rough since I've just enjoyed 4 pretty wonderful days of holiday, family, leisure, fun with friends, and lots and lots of relaxation!

Our marriage counselor suggested I see one of his associates so she could evaluate me. He said that he senses a lot of anger and urgency from me and that his associate specializes in loss and grief therapy, but that lots of times anger comes from a sense of loss. I was intrigued and agreed to the evaluation but said it would have to wait until January when my health FSA kicks in again. I am thinking that anger and urgency have always been a big part of me. There's lots of things from my childhood that makes me angry, but in that I am not unique! The urgency comes from probably just having to do a whole bunch of shit all the time: working 2 jobs and trying to strategize to get my patrol hours in every month on top of that, daily financial planning, etc. But these past few days have really let me slooooooowww down and it's been so great. I am serious, it was just what I needed. I did go on patrol on Friday but that was mostly laid back. And I spent the past few days doing 2 of my favorite things: Staying up late and sleeping in real late!

Other losses I'm feeling today: the end of 2 of our favorite tv shows this week: "The Shield" and "The Pick-Up Artist"! One of my good friends' blogs since she renamed it and now I can't find it! Good losses, however are: me CLEANING HOUSE and trying to unclutter. In fact, time to get back to it before S returns from the movies.